Several weeks ago I finally admitted to my worry-wart grandma that I had been sick for a while but wasn't sure what is was. She said, "You know it could be that change". "What change"?, I asked, but knowing full well what she was getting at. "That change of life" she explained. Leave it to my cute little grandma to confuse bronchitis-like symtoms in a 32 year-old as menopause.

I'm going to Peru for New Years! I'm going to Peru for New Years!

I got stuck sitting next to the nail biter on Bart this morning. Christ man, here's twenty bucks, it's called a manicure!

Okay, someone tell me there's a weird planetary alignment thing going on because I started my period that day I went in for a root canal (which cost me a good portion of my travel fund), and then I lost my wallet the next day. Guess it can only get better eh?

god DAMN it!

I have to spend $2,000 of my travel fund to a root canal and a crown. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I have the money to get the work done, but it's so hard not to be bitter knowing it's taking away from my world travels.

Time Out

I just had the most amazingly restorative weekend. Apart from a jaunt to the grocery store, I spent three solid days in my house. I fasted which felt great, I cleaned, rearranged, organized, updated, read, napped, and reflected. I got so much done but it still felt like a little vacation. How lucky am I that I am so unencumbered, that I was able to check out for three days without my world falling apart.

So I’ve been a little unsettled lately having found out last weekend that My Ex/My Neighbor has a new girlfriend. Yes it’s been ten months since we broke up, and no I wasn’t even in love with him, but this is the first time I’ve tried to remain friends with someone who I was so intimate with, (not to mention the first time a man has ever gotten to know me so well) and it feels strange thinking of him with someone else. Of course I’m happy for him as my friend, he’s a fantastic guy and it’s great that he’s found someone, but I can’t help but be a little jealous because I’d like to have someone too. And not just anyone. I could have someone if I just wanted someone. Now that I’ve experienced a ‘serious’ relationship, I know that I like it; that I’d like to have it again with the right person.

On the flip side, I just had to tell someone who I’ve been spending time with that I didn’t want to take it to the next level. The look on his face was devastating. This guy was incredible too. He was funny, smart, handsome, thoughtful, a real character. But if there’s no spark, there’s no spark. I’m not going to lead someone on just to have someone to spend time with.

I asked My Ex/My Neighbor what his advice was for me to handle this maturely and be okay with it. If the situation were reversed I can see him being all stoic and polite, he’s not very forthcoming with emotion. He said he didn’t think that he’d be mature and okay with it right away if it were the other way around. That made me feel a little better. And my close friends assure me that my reaction is normal but man it stinks. Thankfully I’m not so insecure that I’m focusing on the new girlfriend specifically. Of course I’m curious about what she looks like and how they met, and if she’s more like me or more like him, but that has more to do with knowing him than feeling threatened or catty. I guess there’s my maturity. I just need to retrain my brain into thinking about him as any other platonic guy friend I have. It’s difficult though, on a day like today, we usually walk to work together on Mondays, and I hear his car pulling in around 7:30 in the morning, so I know as we’re walking to BART that he was just in bed with her. But I don’t want to distance myself so much that it becomes weird and we never recover; he’s a good friend and we have too many mutual friends.

I know from experience it’s just going to take time. I also know from experience that patience is still a mystery to me. Guess there’s no better time to learn.

A co-worker who I joke with constantly make a crack about me not wanting to lift a finger to do any work. I told her I had a finger that would be no problem to lift at all! Good times.

It is such a mind fuck when your face feels swollen from novocaine but when you see yourself in the mirror you look normal.

I talked to my little brother last night! First time in three months. He didn't want to talk at first, but when I told him to give the phone to our sister, theeeeeeen he wanted to chat. He was about to go see the Herbie movie and he was pretty excited. He had just seen a 3-D movie and claimed it was 'awesome'. He's having an okay summer, I sure wish I could nab him and let him stay with me until September. I told him to draw me a picture or write me a letter to give to our brother so he can give it to me when he comes to visit next week so hopefully he'll feel like it. Man I hope I don't have to go three more months again.

What am I 16?

I got drunk and sang karaoke at an office party last night. Need I say more? Ahhhh yes, there's more. How about the fact that the party was actually held in the office, and I don't remember leaving, or how I got home from the Bart station. And I've saved the best for last; I got sick on Bart and had to puke in my backpack. I'm sure I was soooooo discreet.

It figures on a day at work when I'm going to be busy non-stop, and trying to time manage down to the minute, that a co-woker would bring in a bouquet of the one flower I freaking allergic to. Yes, a headache is exactly what I needed to complete my day.

"If we want to be the best, we have to have the best. Missy's the poo. So take a big whiff"
- Torrance Shipman in Bring It On

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Days like today, I swear to God a hysterectomy sounds like a fucking dream. Last month my period was a week late so I wound up with two weeks of PMS, and now this month I've got symptoms over a week early. I hope like hell Aunt Flow comes early because I won't have any friends left if I have to fell this hormone surge much longer. My boobs are so sore, they ache when I'm sitting still! And I don't have jugs people, ta-tas at best! The world is sandpaper and I'm going to SCREAM!!!!!!

Reese Squared

Yesterday I had lunch with Reese Williams. No, I didn't sit in a cafe all by myself, I actually met another Reese Williams. He's a he, and he lives in Hawaii. He emailed me last year when he tried to buy the domain reesewilliams.com and found my site. We've corresponded sporatically since, and while he's in town for a few weeks we decided to finally get together. He seems like a great guy, and now I'm cool enough to have a friend with the same name!

Va Bene!

I started my new Italian class last night and it rocks! Only 10 students in the class and my teacher is hilarious. Plus I'm taking it with a friend so I have a built in study buddy. Augurimi la fortuna!

Don't look down, don't look down!

So I went to Harbin Hot Springs for the first time last weekend. Uhhhh, okay. The setting is beautiful, and while I love the idea of an Earth loving, all-natural hippie commune, the reality of it was crunchier than stale Grape-Nuts. I enjoyed myself much more when I just wandered about through trails alone and napped at our campsite; I didn't much dig the pool areas. I'm not a prude and I'm not modest, but the number of foreign peni was overwhelming. One of the hot tubs was so overcrowded and luke warm that I dubbed it 'People Soup'. I just don't trust a hot tub that's not hot enough to kill everything if you know what I mean. I was also faced with a sight that I've trying my whole life to avoid; red pubic hair. I can't explain it but men with red hair have always made me feel a little unsettled and the idea of seeing their private region was more than I cold bear, but Sunday afternoon a red head was bearing all at the cafe and I came face to groin with his burning bush. Cripes, orange pubes, ick! Over all it was nice to be in the woods, play in the creek and spend two days with good friends.

Hell if I know!

I have a friend coming to visit in a couple of weeks and we're going to a Giant's game. Last night on the phone she asked who the Giant's would be playing and I said I thought I remembered from the online schedule that it was the Kansas City Chiefs. I'm sure you already know that it would probably be pretty difficult for a football team to compete against a baseball team.

Good Times

Here are some photos from Friday night, a friend's birthday celebration at Medjool. This place is so slinky and hip, I love it. And the food was stellar, I can't wait to go back!

Shut Up! Shutup Shutup Shutup Shutup Shutup SHUT UP!!!

I just realized what exactly it is about cell phones that make me want to kick users in the shin real hard. First, here are a few reasons I was already fed-up with public yammering.

Could it be any ruder to continue your conversation with Cathy Babbles-a-Lot on the phone even while interacting with friendly counter people? We complain that customer service has gone down the crapper and then we show so little respect to those serving us, we don't even give them our full attention for less than five minutes. No one wants to hear about your boring day of endless meetings because, you just said it, THEY'RE BORING, and if they're boring to sit through, that's right Einstein, it's even worse hearing about them involuntarily!

And how fucking dangerous is it giving the person blabbering in your ear about what's-his-name more attention than cars and pedestrians on the road while driving? I can't count the number of times a car has rolled into a crosswalk, swerved into my lane or just blown through and intersection all together, and as I pass I see there's a shitty piece of plastic infused to their goddamn heads. And don't even try to tell me ear buds make a difference. If your attention is on the conversation, it's not on the road.

And finally, if I have to be audibly bullied by your gossipy conversations while confined on a bus or BART, I just wish I could hear BOTH sides of the conversation. Who? Who? Who did they catch her with in the laundry room with? And what is he keeping from her until after their vacation? Inquiring minds want to know! At least with a couple of loud talkers you can pass the time by eavesdropping.

But it dawned on me today what the real irritation is for me; that people are filling the air with their hollow words and generating useless energy. I know that thought alone is a powerful thing and people are emanating an energy whether they're shouting about tonight's dinner plans or not, but sound carries and resonates, and most conversations I hear could SURELY wait until they got their asses home. And yes, it's a given that when you're in public you subject yourself to the myriad of lives converging in close proximity, but at least before people thought they couldn't spend a single minute alone with themselves and decided to use every spare moment chatting idly about absofuckinglutely NOTHING, you could walk down the street with your own thoughts, observing, embracing or rejecting the kaleidoscope of energy swirling around in close proximity.

Now I'm just forced to listen to, "Well I want to talk to you about something else as well but I'm not really comfortable discussing it on a crowded bus", hee-hee-hee laugh, giggle, snicker. No, no, no, don't hang-up now! You're just getting to the good stuff. I just had to sit through fifteen minutes of little Billy's throw up incident, and how great you though Blade 3 was. Please, please, please at least carry on about something that will satisfy my impertinent little mind. Although impertinent is highly debatable when someone is screeching about their dope new, car-stealing, prostitute-killing video game at the top of their lungs in a 30 square foot space.

And I don't feel hypocritical at all admitting that I am a cell phone owner. I have no objection to the concept at all. I have mine for emergencies, coordinating rendezvous, my lonely grandma in Illinois, and the painfully rare possibility that I might get the chance to talk to my nine year-old brother who lives in Virginia. The most you'll hear from me is a hushed, "I'm out of the tunnel, pick me up at BART", or a non-intrusive, "I'll call you back in a minute, I love you Grandma". But most usage I encounter appears to be a pathetic crutch. I mean, it's not like it can be a status symbol anymore, everyone has one. Hang-up and listen to the birds. Listen to the rhythm of traffic. Smile at passers-by. Slow down and absorb your surroundings or get lost in thought. But stop bumping into people because you’re so engrossed in a selfish monologue. Just shut UP already!

Place your bets!

I swear my body chemistry is a Crap shoot. Some nights I can drink enough to kill a small child and still act like I have some sense, and other nights, yes, like last night, I have one drink and I'm pawing everyone like the town whore. I don't mind being a bit giddy and flirty, but I was slurring and losing my balance for Christ's sake.

I started off at a small Cinco de Mayo house party with my friend Melody where we ate killer tacos and wacked a pinata. Then I headed over to Levende Lounge where I was a Dance-a-thoner at a fundraiser for Room to Read. Rumor has it we raised $10,000! That's going to send four girls to school from kindergarten through high school.

Doing Good Feels Good! Bending over when you have a hang-over does not feel good.

Originally uploaded by qr.

It won't be long and this little guy will be flying away all on his own

A co-worker told me the printer was giving an error message regarding the trickle bottle. I mistakenly relayed the message as 'the tickle box needed servicing'. Well mine does at least!

A Day in the Park

It's pure punishment that I was volunteered by my boss to entertain/baby sit the kids who are going to be in our office this afternoon for the "Bring your kids to work day" the day after a big company event that involved scotch and beer. "Pipe down kid, your Auntie Reese is hung. Now be a good little girl and go fetch me a pack of menthols and some Tums. What do I look like an adult? Just because I'm taller than you doesn't mean I'm more Reeseponsible, now move, I gotta go find a toilet"! (this was part of an email exchange I had with a friend today when discussing my pain)

I took four boys to a park in the middle of downtown San Francisco at one in the afternoon. Age six five, and two that are 3 and a half. It didn't hit me until we got to the park that they only knew me as Bouncy Girl (a nickname one of their Moms, my boss's boss, gave me). I didn't bother correcting them; the less they know the better. They were pretty unruly and my baby fever has officially recessed into the negative.

Sono Italiano

Ever since I met my biological father just over a year ago and learned that I may be part Italian and Native American, I've been trying to get some relative's names to do research. I'd love to have an Italian passport youknowwhatI'msaying. Well it hasn't been easy. Tom (bio-dad) has had major computer issues so he doesn't get to email as much as he wants, and he's had the wrong phone number for me for the past four months. And apparently the person in the family who would have the information is getting old and her memory isn't so good. I figured I'd have to go to courthouses in Illinois and start with Tom's name and work my way back, but yesterday when I got home from work, there was an email from Tom with names! So one of my Great-Grandmothers was Natalia Bonn from Austria, and my Great-Grandfather was Antonio Turra! Tom said his Aunt who gave him the names might even have an original copy of their marriage license! That makes it so much easier to locate birth certificates. This is a fantastic lead, but I do have another obstacle. I have to look into proving Tom as my father since he's not on my birth certificate. Ah well, good thing I love investigating.

Kids really do say the darndest things...

I was sitting in the back seat with my friend's sons Jazzmo (6) and Shoogie (2) when Jazzmo started a play on words that eventually made it's way to BOOBY. He bgan staring at my chest and as he had his finger up his nose he queried "You don't even got boobies do you"?

An A for Effort

Saturday night at a charity party at the DNA Lounge, with the worst music EVER, Abby and I gave a valiant effort to dance and mingle anyway. I spotted a guy who I had flirted with at the Jell-O wrestling party a while back. I wasn't terribly attracted to his face, but his body was amazing however, Eloise just told me was only 23, and watching him dance on stage like it was MTV's Spring Break, I was getting the impression he certainly acted his age.

So at one point he's standing next to me and he starts talking to me and I remind him that we've already met and he starts to fill in the blanks. "Oh yeah, but you wore your cowboy hat all night, you changed your hair, or I guess your hair was like this just under the hat. You're lucky I like short hair". Oh well thank GOD! I was beginning to think I was going to die an old maid because I decided to strip myself of my 'femininity'. I AM lucky you came along! Jockstrap.

All in all I had fun laughing and chatting with Abby and Eloise and a couple of guy pals of hers. I'm glad Abby wouldn't let me stay in my comfortable shell on the sidelines. Who in the world would have thought I could be a wallflower, but the longer I go without a date the more removed I feel. I'm going through a little bitter phase at the moment. But thanks to Abby I did have two great revelations last night: one is that I may not be flirting as much as I used to, but it's because I don't have the need for men to show interest if I'm not interested. And two, I need someone who is my social equal. Not class, but outgoingness. My last boyfriend was very sweet and funny in private, but I love men who are sociable and playful in public.

Regina's Top Five from the Orkut Party:

5) My two self-insights

4) Making Abby laugh hysterically in the bathroom because I knew all the words to Freaks of the Industry by Digital Underground

3) Being "Lucky" enough to run into "Mick" again

2) Talking my way into the club b/c we weren't on the list

1) Witnessing Abby's brief lesbianesque interlude on the dancefloor

Bonus: The gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, GAY paid dancers

It's a Boy!

Hell it could be a girl, I don't know. Manu's four little eggs hatched but right now they're just tiny fuzzy blobs with the occasional beak poking out. Once they take shape I'll post photos.

Wednesday I learned that my sister in-law and niece are attending a wedding in Napa on the 30th of this month, and so they’re staying with me until the 2nd! I'm thrilled to play host to my new-found family, but does anyone know how badly timed this is? The new season of The Family Guy premiers Sunday night at 9pm. "Yeaaaaaah, I know you came all the way out here from Illinois and all, but I have to go watch cartoons with my friends". And I can't really invite them along. There are acts involved in The Family Guy ritual that severely Christian Midwest in-laws just don't need to be a part of. EVER! And then there's the show itself! Despite my personal view, I doubt others would be so amused if my very well behaved six year-old niece went back to little old Collinsville exclaiming, "Damn it to the bloody bowels of hell"! after a visit with Auntie Reese.

Hubba Hubba

This is going to seem entirely too SATC even for me, but....

Think back to the greatest lover you've ever had. Not like "Oh honey, making love makes me feel closer to you", but wild, raw, adventurous, no inhibitions, role playing, bed breaking, S&M, doing it in public places, what was your name again fuckfests!

Every person that I've spoken to about this, single or in a relationship, male or female have all said that the best lovers they've ever had were no more than that; just sex. Not an S.O., not even their spouses. Can we only allow ourselves to be freaks in the bedroom when there's no commitment? Or are there certain gifted people who are just mind-blowing lovers whether they're available or spoken for and so now our rockin' ex-lover's husbands and wives are enjoying an eternity of thrills, chills, squeals and rug-burn?

My latest and greatest fav cut-down: asshat

Nature Up Close

Originally uploaded by qr.

Manu has laid an egg every morning this week except for today. I've been afraid that the high winds would blow the window open and then she'd lose her little babies-to-be, but the nook seems to be fairly protected.

I spy with my little eye.....

The Birds and the Bees

Originally uploaded by qr.

I'm so excited! I'm going to play host to another nest of baby birds this year. Last year I noticed a couple of twigs in the space that my open bathroom window creates before I left for Kauai in April, and when I came back a week later, there was a full-on nest with five tiny pale blue eggs. Two weeks after that they hatched and I got to watch them grow from itty-bitty weak-necked featherless things to strong, loud little boogers. I even got to see two of them take their first flight leaving the nest! I woke this morning to Manu (Hawaiian for bird) chirping much louder than usual. When I went into the bathroom she didn't budge from the nest which she's never done before; she always flutters away immediately. I had a feeling she may be laying an egg, and finally an hour later she flew away exposing a cute little blue speckled egg. I'm looking forward to seeing how many she lays this time and how often. I'll keep posting pix of her progress.

Big Congrats to Bri in Phoenix on her new job. She just gave notice three weeks after her company offered her a promotion, (after they considered offering it to someone her jr. that SHE trained, and had the effrontery to tell her so), denied her salary request, revoked the offer all together insisting it had nothing to do with asking for more money (and not a whole lot of it I might add), and THEN offered to match what she'll be making at her new job to persuade her to stay (which is coincidentally exactly what she has requested when the promotion was offered to her)! Damn, those suckers don't know what they lettin' go!

Would anyone think less of me if I applied to be a model?

Golly Jeepers!

I wasn't even stoned...

and I laughed so hard at this, I peed just a little bit.

Can You Come Out and Play?!

Originally uploaded by qr.

Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad

Ain't no joke....

I have a wisdom tooth coming in and it hurts like a motherfucker.

Peaches-Fatherfucker

Pick it up now or you are a lame-ass

It's always a good idea to check the back side of your recycled scratch paper that you scribble a note on and give to a co-worker

Well this year's taxes are certainly going to be the death of me. I just got a $5,700 tax bill. I can make payments to Uncle Sam but damn Sam!

Never Never Never

make goo-goo eyes and use your feminine wiles to lure a man you've never seen beofre into your proximity when he's wearing sunglasses! I've learned this lesson before. Once when I was 21 in Virginia at the beach, and once again here in SF with a cab driver. Why oh why must a sexy pair of sunglasses mask a crucial element of one's appeal? You know what it was that distracted me this time? The cleft. I'm beginning to grow incredibly fond of clefts! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, nostrils and clefts, my my isn't she discerning?!

Spring Has Sprung

I juat got a gorgeous flower ararngement from The Rockstar and Vixen today for Spring! I'm so lucky/blessed/loved right now!

I finally got to talk to my littlest bro today! It was only for about five minutes before the tyranical psychopath made him hang-up, but he's doing alright. I reassured him that when he turned sixteen we were going to do everything in our power to get him emancipated and free from the beast. Just about six more years to go. A good friend reminded me today that the best thing I can do is show him that someone happy and productive cares about him and thinks he's special, that he matters. Sure wish I had had someone on the sidelines rooting for me when I was under her lack of care. Ah well, I turned out okay right? Well, functional at least!

My Tribe

I'm a member of tribe.net and this is the testimony for me that one of my oldest and dearest friends has submitted.

Reese is such a loving, kind and caring person. I'm proud to call her my sister! She goes to church every Sunday and loves Jesus with all of her heart. Nope, you won't find any faults or naughty sins with this good christian I tell ya'. Oh yeah, she knits the best gosh darn sweaters that you've ever seen!!

We love you Reese!

Fuck What Jesus Would Do.
It's all about "What Would Reese Do?"

Integrity

You know a woman is a good friend when she won't wear the shirt you left over her house because she knows you haven't even worn it yet.

We're much more like everyone around us than we think. Or are we?

Preface: So this week has been a little odd to say the least. Abby, Eloise and I keep running into faces from a lifetime ago past. Sometimes getting away with pretending we didn't see the person, other times being forced into uncomfortable small talk and nauseating physical contact.

So it's midnight and I'm on BART on my way home from St. Paddy's day celebration with the girls, I’m deliriously tired, dangerously hungry, and stone cold sober. The car I'm in is quite until two white girls with blonde hair in their 30's come barreling in from the next car evidently the complete opposite of stone cold sober. They're loudly remarking about how this car smells like weed when one girl notices the bicycle leaned against the seat across from her and says "Damn, that's a nice bike. That's like the bike from Friday". The owner of the bike, a once sleeping Mexican man raises his head as if to ask "What"? She asks "Have you ever seen the movie Friday? That's like the bike in Friday. Okay besides the fact that you're Mexican have you ever seen the movie Friday"? Now I'm hoping I just didn't hear the part when he said "I'm Mexican" because otherwise I apologize on behalf of all white girls everywhere because we don't all lack couth. Before I know it the second set of staggeringly drunk white girls dragging a red-faced boy tromp into the car; only these two are significantly younger, significantly louder, and are wearing significantly less clothing with significantly more showing.

The immediately migrate towards the established drunk white chicks and the new duo promptly sits on the floor in front of the seated girls while the boy sits three seats away alone and closes his eyes. The girls bond over how much they’ve all had to drink tonight, and one of the younger girls begins talking and doesn’t stop for the next twenty minutes straight. This girl's voice and manner of speaking were so nerve grating- okay so take any over-the-top, stereotypical impression of a valley girl that you’ve heard, exaggerate it by a million times, and then double it. She’s going on and on and on and on when I start listening in…“Oh my god I just ran into my ex-boyfriend in that car can you believe it?! That is so random! I mean how random is that! This has been a really strange night. Week really”. One of the other girls clarifies “So the guy you came in here with isn’t your boyfriend”? “No, he's like my best friend we’ve been best friends for like five years I mean we dated for like three weeks five years ago but now we’re totally best friends”. Then she leans in and whispers something into her listener’s ear. I tune her out, go back to listening to Lemonjelly on my ipod and then I tune in again. “I mean, you really have to know yourself and love yourself before you can expect someone else to really love you. I mean, I know it’s easier said than does but it’s just a fact”. I begin to let go of my judgments. Okay. So she’s got a juvenile manner of speaking, and yes she’s drinking straight Absolute from a 7-Up bottle on public transportation, but I can identify with having a “strange week”. And she’s self-aware. She’s learned a valuable lesson of life and relationships, and she’s come to this realization a heck of a lot younger than most women I know. One of the seated girls points to and asks about the ring on her finger. “Oh my boyfriend gave it to me. I know it totally looks like a wedding band but he makes me wear it. He wants boys to think I’m married because I can’t be faithful. I’ve never been able to be happy with just one man. There’s been no one man who could satisfy me and I don’t just mean like sex but I need a lot of attention you know one of those girls who’s Daddy was never around blah blah blah I totally get it and everything but it doesn’t help just knowing you know? So I have to pretty much lie and tell my boyfriend that I’m staying in and then I sneak out go party but I haven’t been out without him in like year, in May it will be a year, so this is a special night Wooooo-Hooooo”! The other girl lays it down. She slurs to her, “Okay, so I don’t want to get all preachy on you, but lose this (points to the ring) lose the boyfriend, and just allow yourself to have the kind of fun you want to have. I mean, you can go shopping, and lust after all the shoes in the sore, and try on a bunch of different beautiful shoes, but sometimes It’s nice just to window shop, you don’t gotta take ‘em all home”! The younger girl giggles, “Oh my GOD I am so glad I ran into you you’re like my guardian angel”. Then it was my stop and I got off.

I wrote to my Italian penpal catching him up on my latest goings-ons. I sent it off and then for kicks dumped it into Babelfish for translation. This is how bad it was:

A lot amusing! They are not lazy! Enough opposite. Last end week I beacon from baby-sitter, lottery body of Jello and eaten the lunch with Seas and Jackson. I have received to To on my last examination, but e' to become incredibly diffucult. There and of the summer programs? I hope call Roma/La Tuscany in September. Until after time

I'm the only person I know who could fall in love with a boy on the second floor of the building across the street while I'm supposed to be engaged in a 10 person meeting.

Evidence of my Jello wrestling

Another reason I want to work for Google, on-site laundry facilities!

Beware the Ides of March

I woke this morning to a response email from Canada. I emailed yesterday inquiring about the state of his affairs and while he's still ambiguous, I'm disappointed. Guess I was hoping for more than I was trying to tell myself. Ah well, I don't need to read an entire book to get the message "He's just not that into you". Next!

I'm gonna wash that Jello right outta my hair!

I know I said I wasn't going to consume alcohol until March 20th, but when a friend sends you an email about an invite only warehouse party thrown by someone young, rich and fabulous, complete with open bar and Jello wrestling, you promptly jump feet first off the wagon into tight jeans and tiny snug wife-beater over a skimpy bikini, a cowboy hat and L.A. style sunglasses just like two of your best gal pals, and the three of you will carry around a bottle of expensive liquor and you will call yourselves Team Tequila flirting unabashedly and eventually you will wind up in your bikini in front of 600 plus people in an inflatable pool filled knee deep with green Jello wiggling and writhing with your opponent and then promptly leave afterwards to remove the goo hiding out in crevices. My life is good stuff right now folks!

Fee Fee I love you!

I babysat tonight and boy did I get lucky, she was delightful. She's eight months old, and only got mildly fussy when she started to get sleepy. We played with her toys on the floor, we went for a nice walk around the neighborhood, she entertained herself mostly and then she finally conked out in my bed. This itty bitty yet super chubby little person curled up in the middle of my bed on a pile of blankets; I was overwhelmed. It really dawned on me that when you have a baby of your own, you're always around it. I mean, I can say that I love kids and that I'm completely comfortable with them, and that my body has baby fever, but your life as you know it is over. Not necessarily in a bad way, just polar opposite. Is anyone ever really prepared for that?

Some days I think that the longer I'm single and the more my single-type behavior and lifestyle is engrained into my being, that I may seriously not want to make that sacrifice. Other days I know that all of the things I enjoy as an individual are replaced with amazing experiences that are shared with Mommy and baby.

I've been doing well in my Italian class, enough to keep up in class and remember it for quizes, but it doesn't feel like any of it is sticking to be used in regular conversation. Until today when a friend told me she didn't bring a pen or a piece if paper to play Boggle with during lunch on the roof-top garden, and I instinctually told her in Italian that I had an extra she could borrow. Benissimo!

To Minna we will go, to Minna we will go. Hi Ho the Derrio, to Minna we will go! I HAD planned on staying in and getting some stuff around the house, but Your Sovereign Leader got a big ol' fat A on her Italian quiz and that's cause for celebration!

So Far So Good

Just so everyone knows, I'm not drinking for the next few weeks, until March 20th. I've been to two social engagements this week without any social lubricant and it's been just dandy. At a friend's surprise birthday party I could definitely tell by the end of the evening that I wasn't on the same page as everyone else, but I had a great time. And last night I went to Teatro ZinZanni and although it would have been nice to induge, especially in an opulent and decadent setting, I stuck to Evian and enjoyed myself all the same. Given my history with hooch, I'm glad this isn't presenting a challenge. My body needs the break.

I've pinpointed the source of my blues. I've been reading a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius for my book club and it's painfully reminding me that I haven't talked to my little brother since Christmas and I miss him terribly. Since my mother doesn't answer her phone or give him my letters, my sister is supposed to call me when she spends time with him; but she doesn't. Sometimes I feel like living my life for me is the best thing I can do for him because I'm setting a good example. And other times, when I go months without hearing his sweet little voice, I want to abandon my entire life on the West Coast to be near him. But I probably wouldn't see him any more than I do now because of the tyranical psychopath that has control over him. I can't send him money because she'll spend it. I don't want to send him toys because he gets bored with them so quickly, he is only nine after all. So I write him letters and send them to my sister's house, hoping that they reach him. Everyone cross your fingers that I'll make contact soon.

I've woken up painfully sad today for absolutely no apparent reason. I checked my cycle. Nope. Thought about my diet over the last few days. That's not it. It's 11:30 and I've cried twice. There's no aggro, no irritation, just heavy-hearted blues. I'm productive, I don't feel lazy, just melancholy.

HAPPY 30TH MR. GIBSON!

You're one of us now.

Great, now someone in my building has seen my underwear!

That's what I get for leaving a load of laundry in the dryer too long.

SO-I went to Pound SF Saturday night with my friends Abby and the Rockstar to check out some local rock talent. These guys and these guys played and they were hard, loud and fun! I'm on the wagon for the month of March, and knowing this was my final hurrah for the next 30 days, I got lit.

Here's Reese's Top 5 from Franko's Revival.

5. Hanging out with 10 year-olds in a bar. (it was an all ages show)

4. Rocking out to a cd of my friend's college band on the way home.

3. Singing Bon Jovi at the top of our drunken lungs as we entered Abby's apartment at 2am.

2. Philly Cheesesteak and onion rings with the Rockstar at Grubb Steak at 4am.

1. Being introduced to frighteningly intoxicated Weldon. "Like a steak" he adds, in case you don't hear him properly.

Where's MY 15 minutes?

So there's THIS guy. I don't know why he's so embarrassed. I have home movies that are so mortifying, if they were ever circulated I would ASK to be put in the witness protection program!



If that link is broken or expired, you can catch the action here.

i MIGHT have been into the guy who asked me out to the party tonight until he asked me to join me and the girl he just met yesterday in the hot tub. Get a fucking life buddy.

Must. Resist. Temptation.

After two double scotches and a Corona I feel like drunk emailing a particular boy of dating past. It's the drunk dialing of the new millennium you know. Without the actual confrontation of course.

Proof of the Fun

Here are pix from Minna this week. It was a little too meat-markety for my taste, but I just kept to my happy little group and shook it like I meant it. Could my grin BE any cheesier?????

Appliances work at thier optimum when plugged in.

If you got ants in your pants....

then bring 'em on down to Minna tonight. If this don't make your booty move, your booty must be dead!

Garden State

Perfect

My friend DVS on scotches- "Yes, it's for the sophisticated drunk. It's the buzz with panache"!

I'm Loved!

This is one of the cards I received for Valentine's Day. I also got a "To a Granddaughter who means so much" from my Grammy and a "I thank my lucky stars for a friend like you" from my friend DVS in Az.

Go here to check out more from the artist above.

I just went back and read my very first blog posting ever. I actually referred to the list of men I was interested in as the "Racing Form". Whoooa Nelly!

Glasses Are Sexy Right?

If I have to wear them, you'd better believe they're going to be cool. I found the cutest pair of Lafonts. Hmmm, now if I could just find a boy with a librarian fantasy.

This particular shot was posed, but it's pretty damn accurate.

What a Ride, originally uploaded by qr.

I just had to purchase a sanitary napkin from the vending machine in the ladies room here in the office and the thing is so thick it feels like I have a bed pillow crammed in my crotch.

Commuter's Delight

We were stuck in the tunnel for over 20 minutes on BART this morning. I was beginning to feel claustrophobic and dizzy myself when the girl standing next to me actually fainted.

Hu, de klassz volt! (Wow, what a great time)

So I spent last weekend in Cold Springs near Yosemite(not Tahoe as stated in Friday's post. Note to self: enroll in Geography 101) with a large group of amazingly warm and funny Hungarians. Most everyone in the group has known each other for many many years, but I didn't feel like an outsider at all. In fact, by the last day they had given me a nickname; Rizsa. They chose it because it means rice and I had made a savory mushroom risotto for everyone Saturday night. Plus it also sounds like Reesa when spoken.

Friday night I took it easy. Ate some ham hocks and beans and stayed up gabbing until about midnight. Saturday I hit the slopes. My first run down the bunny slope took over a half an hour and I rode all the way down on my segg. You can guess what that's Hungarian for. It basically feels like you're falling down a flight of stairs! I wish I had brought along some vicodin as I joked about before I left. The next few runs went quicker. I didn't gain any more control, but I slid faster every time. After dinner Saturday we all got together in the living room and the group performed traditional Hungarian folk songs. Most Americans have really missed out on important and simple bonding activities. It was fun and sweet to share their nostalgia. Not long after the booze really started to flow, and the living room transformed into a dance floor. Laser pointers, blacklights, sofa dances, voguing; it was quite the cabin rave.

Sunday several people went up to the resort to board again. I stayed behind because, well, I couldn't walk. Hell, I had trouble holding up my toothbrush. I'm certainly looking forward to making another go at boarding though. Maybe I could line my clothes with those little air-filled pouches that are used as packing material. POP! P-P-POP! POP! Look at Rizsa go!


There are pix from the weekend here and here.

Snow Bunny

Your Majesty is jetting off to Tahoe this weekend. Embarrassingly it's my first time in the six years I've been in the Bay Area; but I've always been a late bloomer. I have a snowboarding lesson tomorrow at 11:30 therefore I'm packing some Vicodin and a good bottle of scotch. We'll be playing at Dodge Ridge, and the website has a live cam so log on to see if you can catch a glimpse of me sliding down the mountain on my arse!

Of Course It Is Part 2

Required Reading: Of Course It Is Part 1

You know how when you're trying not to think of someone so much and the universe decides to present you with panging reminders? Argument says that during sensitive times we're just more aware of these 'coincidences'.

Last Thursday, the day after I bowed out of the bizarre love triangle, (I know how you guys love when I slip lyrical references in) I was trying to buy a BART ticket but the machine kept spitting out my quarter. Again and again and again it dropped it into the change tray. After inspecting the rejected coin I realized that it was a Canadian quarter. Of course it is! Over the weekend I was introduced to two men at two different parties who share the same name as the recently unexplored crush. Of course I did! And just today I was given the task of following up on a software order from last year. The date of the order was November 24th. "Eeeee" I squealed, that's the day before my birthday. "Harumph" I moaned, that's the day we met. Say it with me now, Of course it is!

Luckily we didn't have a song otherwise I'm sure I'd hear it every time I turned on the radio, from every car that passed by, and in every cafe and retail store I entered

Did you know....

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard? Oh yeah, and they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right! it's better than yours, and well...I can teach you, But I have to charge.

I felt like an uber-Diva this morning listening to this in the financial district. I pretty much strutted all the way down Montgomery Street.

Scissor Sisters

It's what you'd get if Elton John and Beck had a kid

Non c'e male

Wine? Check. Scotch? Check. Beer? Check. Despite mixing and matching my bevvies last night, I wound up being the default driver home. (I was just fine, I promise) My friend the Rockstar drank gin and tonics until he couldn't place where exactly he was, and my female partner in crime screamed at her shoes on the pavement next to her car. She managed to get the number of the guy she was talking to all night though even after he walked over her stomach contents to get her into the car. He's a keeper!

How the..? Who in the...? What the...?

Here is a story from boston.com about two girls who were punished for trying to show a little rare and wonderful kindness in this day and age. And WTF is up with the plaintiff being named Wanita? With a W. Hooked on Phonics worked for her parents. I'm really kind of sad right now.

Who needs a therapist

when your website statcounter can tell you that people stumbled upon the story of your life searching with keywords like Alice in Wonderland, Spanking, Tipsy, and Female. Seems pretty straight forward to me.

History Repeating Itself

Why are my early thirties so eerily reminiscent of my early twenties? Luckily this go 'round I'm not indulging because I'm sad, or stressed, or escaping; I'm just having a blast! Of course the recovery time is about three times longer now, but I seem to be celebrating with libationary gusto as if I don't even know what a hangover IS . Why else would I think that my hundred and twelve pound body could hold four Margaritas and dance until five in the freakin' morning? AFTER sharing an entire bottle of wine with a friend earlier that day? I just don't know why I didn't know which end was up until four days later.

And I've been consistent. Yes, that's right, no slacking here, I'm giving it my all. There’s been a beer with dinner on Monday, a glass of wine with the girls on Tuesday, a beer with dinner on Wednesday, and a glass of wine with lunch on Thursday. Last night I went to a friend's Fondue Birthday party where I drank wine like it was water and smoked on the deck back like a pro. Yep, too many people in a small space mixed with booze, and a fire hazard thrown in for good measure. I was home before one, but did it occur to me to pace myself since I have another birthday party at the swanky Paragon this evening? Yeah, not so much. They boast over sixty vodkas from around the world. Looks like Your Majesty’s gonna need her passport!

Everybody, sing with me

I love Napoleon Dynamite. I love little Napoli!!!! If you haven't seen it, do so now. If you have, then "Tina, come and get some ham"!

In the immortal words of Eurythmics, "Be true to yourself and you can't go wrong".

We are always enriched from experiences regardless of the outcome. Grazie, Canada.

Happy Imbolc

My Dear Lord

I don't think I can say it enough today. My Dear Lord.

Chub Chasers Unite!

So more and more of my female friends are beginning to appreciate the allure of a more robust man. One friend enjoyed resting her head on her new beau's shoulder without the annoyingly familiar feeling of jabbing bone. Another friend has discovered the comfort of using a nice buddha belly as a pillow.

It goes without saying that personal tastes run the gamut, but perhaps maybe women are no longer hastily ruling out a man just because he has a little more cushion for the pushin'!

So at our last Ladies Nite, we were sharing our best worst break-up stories. Apparently a lot of men are guilty of going all the way through with orchestrating a nice date just to make sure it's the last.

One lady was broken up with over the soup course and then on the way home was asked if she wanted to go back to his place. Another lady was taken all the way to Muir Woods for a "hike" just so that he could tell her that he didn’t want to date her anymore, but he’d sure like to keep sleeping with her. We know that one Lady’s husband invited a girl over to dinner to tell her he didn't want to see her again, but the unsuspecting dinner guest obviously had much higher hopes for the evening because she showed up with her overnight bag!

We've no doubt that the men’s hearts are in the right places, but allow me to request on behalf of all of us, maybe a cliché “We need to talk” might better prepare us. Then again, maybe the tales years later are worth it.

The truth is...

we're ALL geeks inside

d found out that his sister has colon cancer. Please send love and healing thoughts their way.

Step One

is my taking an Italian class, so that if it is Italy I chose to move to, I can get by that much better. After reading this I almost have no preference where I move ,so long as I do. SOON!

Indulge in the Vice and Pay the Price

One would think that after more than a year of a medically imposed sweet-reduced diet, that I would be strong enough to resist the lure of poisonous of sugar; but then one obviously doesn't grasp the intensity of my new fondness for Decaf Mochas. I started out only drinking half of my piping cup of goodness, just to satisfy the craving of course. I have quickly graduated to a bottoms-up, glass licking completion ritual. I'm not proud. I have a thunderous headache and I'm blue. Damn my demons!

ipod down!

So, my precious little Bubblicious experienced the first wrath of her owner's clumsiness. She bounced, skipped and slid down an entire BART escalator. She has some minor contusions and a mild abrasion, but her display was undamaged. The important thing is, she still works just fine!

Full steam ahead, here comes a crazy lady!

I haven't gotten more than six hours of sleep a night since last Wednesday. I'm passing through delirious and heading straight into demented.

I just picked up my gorgeous new Italian leather boots from the shoe shine and they had me marked as paid even though I hadn't. Lucky me!

Petite Woman/Plus Size Caboose

I bought mediums when clearly I should have gone with the large. A wedgie does not a pleasant day make.

Can you imagine Your Majesty monitoring her speech or forsaking her impulses?

That's exactly what I've been reduced to in a particular situation where my patience, pride, and poise are being tested. I know a lot is going to be learned when I look at this from the Zen/Live in the Now/Equanimity ideology, but I've lived all of my life allowing myself to feel and react. To be so close to something that seems so good, and not be allowed to embrace it...!*@%$

The Tony Robbins in me says, "A challenge is just an opportunity for growth". The Margaret Cho in me says, "This is for the fucking birds"!

I'm not only THE queen, but I'm also a Drama Queen occasionally

Your Majesty the thtudent

The first thing I've learned since taking my Italian class is to buy your freakin' books early!

My Favorite New Euphemism

So my friend in Az was a little grumpy at work and a coworker jokingly asked her if she was PMSing. Her gay boss answered, "No she just needs to get her kitty punched". And I thought 'Getting poked in the whiskers was good'.

National Play

So much love, congrats, kudos and high-fives to my friend the Rockstar who just sold a song that was used in tonight's premiere of Point Pleasant on Fox!

Are computer desktop backgrounds the adult's version of bedroom posters? I just set this as mine. I love him.

Magic Hands

How could I recap my weekend without mentioning the incredible energy shifting massage I got on Saturday?! Please get his name and number from me the next time you're ready for a rubdown. He released blockages that I must have been holding on to for at least two years, no exaggeration. I think I feel my pluck coming back, the one I've felt has been missing since Summer of 2003. He mixes Chinese, Acupressure, Swedish, and a natural gift for healing that will set you right as rain! Thank You Thank You Thank You Mister Stephens!

Back in the Swing of Things?

Well I declare! I went out on a Friday night. And drank. And danced. And loved it! I went out on a Sunday. And drank more than Friday. And danced. And flirted. And loved it!

Friday night I went to The Tonga Room for a friend's birthday and despite feeling robbed blind by the drink prices and surprise $5 'entertainment fee' PER PERSON added to the tab, I had an absolute blast. If you can go with the cheesy flow you really can enjoy the bad 70s and 80s covers and focus on your fun and bubbly entourage. I had one Margarita (a nine dollar and ninety-two cent Margarita to be exact) and shook it to the likes of Barry White and Janet Jackson. I made very limited small talk with a few German guys here on holiday; poor guys had all of SF to choose from on a Friday night and their guidebook recommends The Tonga Room. They said they were pretty jet lagged so they weren't going to be out late, but I gave them a few of Queen Reese's special nightlife tips just in case they got a second wind.

Sunday night I met some friends out to see Gold Chains and The Lovemakers. Unfortunately the back room met it's capacity as we were the next people in line to get in, so we sat at a table just outside the door BUT it worked out better because we could still hear each other talk and we had plenty of room. I drank TWO Margaritas (two very, very strong, bought for me Margaritas to be exact) and proceeded to smoke two cigarettes and flirt shamelessly until closing. Oh and bonus:I also scored a free shot of tequila (which I graciously gave away to a friend because I was already too swilly for my own good) and all I had to do was accidentally get splattered with hot candle wax by the bartender.

I'm taking it easy today and gathering my strength for the week. I start my Italian class tomorrow night and I have a few social engagements on the horizon. It's good to be The Queen!

Okay so my PMS may not have started as early as usual, but it's ultra-super concentrated for good measure. If I had a t-shirt that read Go To Hell on it, I would be wearing it today. With pride.

My job is not cool

If you don't have a view from your office....

check out the Ano Nuevo website for the live sealcam!

Ladies Nite quote:

"Face-based butt rubs are the best"! The next time your sweetie has a little stubble, get him to graze your tushy with his cheeks. Apparently it's all the rage!

If there's one thing I can't tolerate......

it's STUPID-I-TY!!!!!!!!! Okay, I could take the high road and just say that I'm not always going to be able to communicate with everyone, but damn; if you get an average of three emails a day for 6 weeks with a vendor's name in it as Copymat, all one word, do not email me repeatedly calling them Copy Mate!!!!!!! I'm sure you're well aware that there is more to this story than a simple misspelling. I'm a pill but I'm not that petty.

I was given this project 6 weeks ago, a project which the initial department sat on for two months and then decided in Mid-November that they wanted it completed by year's end. So I take it on, gradually eliminating the former party’s involved because "we didn't communicate effectively” and I kicked ass. I really enjoyed seeing this thing through and always having satisfying up-to-date status report whenever asked (which was often). All the while the heads that initiated the project kept emailing with questions even though I had already taken the time to send out unsolicited status reports just to keep everyone happy. The two of them are in the same office and they are NEVER on the same page. Plus they're emailing me about projects that I told them repeatedly were going to have to wait until after the first of the year if they wanted THIS big sucker done in 6 weeks or less. PLUS while I'm supposed to be finishing this monster in a New York minute, there is a guy in my office who's trying to get me fired because I'm sitting in his "area", and I don't actually work for him, and he can't control me. Proudly, I didn't make a single mistake during the whole high-pressure process. So this week I'm getting a trickle of emails about the project, and the two who are in the same office, email with conflicting requests. So I sent out an email kindly asking them to discuss and give me a final number, and one replies, with a snippy ass attitude, that they were asking for two different things. So sue me you incompetent freak! My first misunderstanding.

My boss said she's probably testy because I've made them look like such lame asses by getting this done so fast and making it look so easy. I don't get satisfaction from making others look bad, it just rubbed me the wrong way when she made it sound like I was a moron for not deciphering their barrage of emails when I’ve been so on top of it from day one. Poopy Head.

Happy New Year

I may have been forced to stay home alone on NYE because I'm under the weather, but I was able to see TWO fireworks displays from the comfort of my warm and cozy bed last night!