November 17, 2005
November 08, 2005
August 17, 2005
August 13, 2005
July 25, 2005
So I’ve been a little unsettled lately having found out last weekend that My Ex/My Neighbor has a new girlfriend. Yes it’s been ten months since we broke up, and no I wasn’t even in love with him, but this is the first time I’ve tried to remain friends with someone who I was so intimate with, (not to mention the first time a man has ever gotten to know me so well) and it feels strange thinking of him with someone else. Of course I’m happy for him as my friend, he’s a fantastic guy and it’s great that he’s found someone, but I can’t help but be a little jealous because I’d like to have someone too. And not just anyone. I could have someone if I just wanted someone. Now that I’ve experienced a ‘serious’ relationship, I know that I like it; that I’d like to have it again with the right person.
On the flip side, I just had to tell someone who I’ve been spending time with that I didn’t want to take it to the next level. The look on his face was devastating. This guy was incredible too. He was funny, smart, handsome, thoughtful, a real character. But if there’s no spark, there’s no spark. I’m not going to lead someone on just to have someone to spend time with.
I asked My Ex/My Neighbor what his advice was for me to handle this maturely and be okay with it. If the situation were reversed I can see him being all stoic and polite, he’s not very forthcoming with emotion. He said he didn’t think that he’d be mature and okay with it right away if it were the other way around. That made me feel a little better. And my close friends assure me that my reaction is normal but man it stinks. Thankfully I’m not so insecure that I’m focusing on the new girlfriend specifically. Of course I’m curious about what she looks like and how they met, and if she’s more like me or more like him, but that has more to do with knowing him than feeling threatened or catty. I guess there’s my maturity. I just need to retrain my brain into thinking about him as any other platonic guy friend I have. It’s difficult though, on a day like today, we usually walk to work together on Mondays, and I hear his car pulling in around 7:30 in the morning, so I know as we’re walking to BART that he was just in bed with her. But I don’t want to distance myself so much that it becomes weird and we never recover; he’s a good friend and we have too many mutual friends.
I know from experience it’s just going to take time. I also know from experience that patience is still a mystery to me. Guess there’s no better time to learn.
July 14, 2005
July 13, 2005
June 27, 2005
June 24, 2005
June 23, 2005
June 14, 2005
June 07, 2005
June 03, 2005
May 29, 2005
May 24, 2005
May 16, 2005
May 11, 2005
Could it be any ruder to continue your conversation with Cathy Babbles-a-Lot on the phone even while interacting with friendly counter people? We complain that customer service has gone down the crapper and then we show so little respect to those serving us, we don't even give them our full attention for less than five minutes. No one wants to hear about your boring day of endless meetings because, you just said it, THEY'RE BORING, and if they're boring to sit through, that's right Einstein, it's even worse hearing about them involuntarily!
And how fucking dangerous is it giving the person blabbering in your ear about what's-his-name more attention than cars and pedestrians on the road while driving? I can't count the number of times a car has rolled into a crosswalk, swerved into my lane or just blown through and intersection all together, and as I pass I see there's a shitty piece of plastic infused to their goddamn heads. And don't even try to tell me ear buds make a difference. If your attention is on the conversation, it's not on the road.
And finally, if I have to be audibly bullied by your gossipy conversations while confined on a bus or BART, I just wish I could hear BOTH sides of the conversation. Who? Who? Who did they catch her with in the laundry room with? And what is he keeping from her until after their vacation? Inquiring minds want to know! At least with a couple of loud talkers you can pass the time by eavesdropping.
But it dawned on me today what the real irritation is for me; that people are filling the air with their hollow words and generating useless energy. I know that thought alone is a powerful thing and people are emanating an energy whether they're shouting about tonight's dinner plans or not, but sound carries and resonates, and most conversations I hear could SURELY wait until they got their asses home. And yes, it's a given that when you're in public you subject yourself to the myriad of lives converging in close proximity, but at least before people thought they couldn't spend a single minute alone with themselves and decided to use every spare moment chatting idly about absofuckinglutely NOTHING, you could walk down the street with your own thoughts, observing, embracing or rejecting the kaleidoscope of energy swirling around in close proximity.
Now I'm just forced to listen to, "Well I want to talk to you about something else as well but I'm not really comfortable discussing it on a crowded bus", hee-hee-hee laugh, giggle, snicker. No, no, no, don't hang-up now! You're just getting to the good stuff. I just had to sit through fifteen minutes of little Billy's throw up incident, and how great you though Blade 3 was. Please, please, please at least carry on about something that will satisfy my impertinent little mind. Although impertinent is highly debatable when someone is screeching about their dope new, car-stealing, prostitute-killing video game at the top of their lungs in a 30 square foot space.
And I don't feel hypocritical at all admitting that I am a cell phone owner. I have no objection to the concept at all. I have mine for emergencies, coordinating rendezvous, my lonely grandma in Illinois, and the painfully rare possibility that I might get the chance to talk to my nine year-old brother who lives in Virginia. The most you'll hear from me is a hushed, "I'm out of the tunnel, pick me up at BART", or a non-intrusive, "I'll call you back in a minute, I love you Grandma". But most usage I encounter appears to be a pathetic crutch. I mean, it's not like it can be a status symbol anymore, everyone has one. Hang-up and listen to the birds. Listen to the rhythm of traffic. Smile at passers-by. Slow down and absorb your surroundings or get lost in thought. But stop bumping into people because you’re so engrossed in a selfish monologue. Just shut UP already!
May 06, 2005
I started off at a small Cinco de Mayo house party with my friend Melody where we ate killer tacos and wacked a pinata. Then I headed over to Levende Lounge where I was a Dance-a-thoner at a fundraiser for Room to Read. Rumor has it we raised $10,000! That's going to send four girls to school from kindergarten through high school.
Doing Good Feels Good! Bending over when you have a hang-over does not feel good.
May 03, 2005
April 28, 2005
I took four boys to a park in the middle of downtown San Francisco at one in the afternoon. Age six five, and two that are 3 and a half. It didn't hit me until we got to the park that they only knew me as Bouncy Girl (a nickname one of their Moms, my boss's boss, gave me). I didn't bother correcting them; the less they know the better. They were pretty unruly and my baby fever has officially recessed into the negative.
April 27, 2005
April 25, 2005
So at one point he's standing next to me and he starts talking to me and I remind him that we've already met and he starts to fill in the blanks. "Oh yeah, but you wore your cowboy hat all night, you changed your hair, or I guess your hair was like this just under the hat. You're lucky I like short hair". Oh well thank GOD! I was beginning to think I was going to die an old maid because I decided to strip myself of my 'femininity'. I AM lucky you came along! Jockstrap.
All in all I had fun laughing and chatting with Abby and Eloise and a couple of guy pals of hers. I'm glad Abby wouldn't let me stay in my comfortable shell on the sidelines. Who in the world would have thought I could be a wallflower, but the longer I go without a date the more removed I feel. I'm going through a little bitter phase at the moment. But thanks to Abby I did have two great revelations last night: one is that I may not be flirting as much as I used to, but it's because I don't have the need for men to show interest if I'm not interested. And two, I need someone who is my social equal. Not class, but outgoingness. My last boyfriend was very sweet and funny in private, but I love men who are sociable and playful in public.
Regina's Top Five from the Orkut Party:
5) My two self-insights
4) Making Abby laugh hysterically in the bathroom because I knew all the words to Freaks of the Industry by Digital Underground
3) Being "Lucky" enough to run into "Mick" again
2) Talking my way into the club b/c we weren't on the list
1) Witnessing Abby's brief lesbianesque interlude on the dancefloor
Bonus: The gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, GAY paid dancers
April 20, 2005
April 17, 2005
April 11, 2005
Think back to the greatest lover you've ever had. Not like "Oh honey, making love makes me feel closer to you", but wild, raw, adventurous, no inhibitions, role playing, bed breaking, S&M, doing it in public places, what was your name again fuckfests!
Every person that I've spoken to about this, single or in a relationship, male or female have all said that the best lovers they've ever had were no more than that; just sex. Not an S.O., not even their spouses. Can we only allow ourselves to be freaks in the bedroom when there's no commitment? Or are there certain gifted people who are just mind-blowing lovers whether they're available or spoken for and so now our rockin' ex-lover's husbands and wives are enjoying an eternity of thrills, chills, squeals and rug-burn?
April 08, 2005
April 04, 2005
Originally uploaded by qr.
I'm so excited! I'm going to play host to another nest of baby birds this year. Last year I noticed a couple of twigs in the space that my open bathroom window creates before I left for Kauai in April, and when I came back a week later, there was a full-on nest with five tiny pale blue eggs. Two weeks after that they hatched and I got to watch them grow from itty-bitty weak-necked featherless things to strong, loud little boogers. I even got to see two of them take their first flight leaving the nest! I woke this morning to Manu (Hawaiian for bird) chirping much louder than usual. When I went into the bathroom she didn't budge from the nest which she's never done before; she always flutters away immediately. I had a feeling she may be laying an egg, and finally an hour later she flew away exposing a cute little blue speckled egg. I'm looking forward to seeing how many she lays this time and how often. I'll keep posting pix of her progress.
April 02, 2005
April 01, 2005
March 30, 2005
March 29, 2005
March 25, 2005
March 19, 2005
Reese is such a loving, kind and caring person. I'm proud to call her my sister! She goes to church every Sunday and loves Jesus with all of her heart. Nope, you won't find any faults or naughty sins with this good christian I tell ya'. Oh yeah, she knits the best gosh darn sweaters that you've ever seen!!
We love you Reese!
Fuck What Jesus Would Do.
It's all about "What Would Reese Do?"
March 18, 2005
So it's midnight and I'm on BART on my way home from St. Paddy's day celebration with the girls, I’m deliriously tired, dangerously hungry, and stone cold sober. The car I'm in is quite until two white girls with blonde hair in their 30's come barreling in from the next car evidently the complete opposite of stone cold sober. They're loudly remarking about how this car smells like weed when one girl notices the bicycle leaned against the seat across from her and says "Damn, that's a nice bike. That's like the bike from Friday". The owner of the bike, a once sleeping Mexican man raises his head as if to ask "What"? She asks "Have you ever seen the movie Friday? That's like the bike in Friday. Okay besides the fact that you're Mexican have you ever seen the movie Friday"? Now I'm hoping I just didn't hear the part when he said "I'm Mexican" because otherwise I apologize on behalf of all white girls everywhere because we don't all lack couth. Before I know it the second set of staggeringly drunk white girls dragging a red-faced boy tromp into the car; only these two are significantly younger, significantly louder, and are wearing significantly less clothing with significantly more showing.
The immediately migrate towards the established drunk white chicks and the new duo promptly sits on the floor in front of the seated girls while the boy sits three seats away alone and closes his eyes. The girls bond over how much they’ve all had to drink tonight, and one of the younger girls begins talking and doesn’t stop for the next twenty minutes straight. This girl's voice and manner of speaking were so nerve grating- okay so take any over-the-top, stereotypical impression of a valley girl that you’ve heard, exaggerate it by a million times, and then double it. She’s going on and on and on and on when I start listening in…“Oh my god I just ran into my ex-boyfriend in that car can you believe it?! That is so random! I mean how random is that! This has been a really strange night. Week really”. One of the other girls clarifies “So the guy you came in here with isn’t your boyfriend”? “No, he's like my best friend we’ve been best friends for like five years I mean we dated for like three weeks five years ago but now we’re totally best friends”. Then she leans in and whispers something into her listener’s ear. I tune her out, go back to listening to Lemonjelly on my ipod and then I tune in again. “I mean, you really have to know yourself and love yourself before you can expect someone else to really love you. I mean, I know it’s easier said than does but it’s just a fact”. I begin to let go of my judgments. Okay. So she’s got a juvenile manner of speaking, and yes she’s drinking straight Absolute from a 7-Up bottle on public transportation, but I can identify with having a “strange week”. And she’s self-aware. She’s learned a valuable lesson of life and relationships, and she’s come to this realization a heck of a lot younger than most women I know. One of the seated girls points to and asks about the ring on her finger. “Oh my boyfriend gave it to me. I know it totally looks like a wedding band but he makes me wear it. He wants boys to think I’m married because I can’t be faithful. I’ve never been able to be happy with just one man. There’s been no one man who could satisfy me and I don’t just mean like sex but I need a lot of attention you know one of those girls who’s Daddy was never around blah blah blah I totally get it and everything but it doesn’t help just knowing you know? So I have to pretty much lie and tell my boyfriend that I’m staying in and then I sneak out go party but I haven’t been out without him in like year, in May it will be a year, so this is a special night Wooooo-Hooooo”! The other girl lays it down. She slurs to her, “Okay, so I don’t want to get all preachy on you, but lose this (points to the ring) lose the boyfriend, and just allow yourself to have the kind of fun you want to have. I mean, you can go shopping, and lust after all the shoes in the sore, and try on a bunch of different beautiful shoes, but sometimes It’s nice just to window shop, you don’t gotta take ‘em all home”! The younger girl giggles, “Oh my GOD I am so glad I ran into you you’re like my guardian angel”. Then it was my stop and I got off.
March 17, 2005
A lot amusing! They are not lazy! Enough opposite. Last end week I beacon from baby-sitter, lottery body of Jello and eaten the lunch with Seas and Jackson. I have received to To on my last examination, but e' to become incredibly diffucult. There and of the summer programs? I hope call Roma/La Tuscany in September. Until after time
March 15, 2005
March 14, 2005
March 11, 2005
Some days I think that the longer I'm single and the more my single-type behavior and lifestyle is engrained into my being, that I may seriously not want to make that sacrifice. Other days I know that all of the things I enjoy as an individual are replaced with amazing experiences that are shared with Mommy and baby.
March 10, 2005
March 09, 2005
March 04, 2005
March 03, 2005
March 02, 2005
February 28, 2005
February 27, 2005
Here's Reese's Top 5 from Franko's Revival.
5. Hanging out with 10 year-olds in a bar. (it was an all ages show)
4. Rocking out to a cd of my friend's college band on the way home.
3. Singing Bon Jovi at the top of our drunken lungs as we entered Abby's apartment at 2am.
2. Philly Cheesesteak and onion rings with the Rockstar at Grubb Steak at 4am.
1. Being introduced to frighteningly intoxicated Weldon. "Like a steak" he adds, in case you don't hear him properly.
February 25, 2005
February 23, 2005
February 20, 2005
February 19, 2005
February 17, 2005
February 16, 2005
February 15, 2005
Friday night I took it easy. Ate some ham hocks and beans and stayed up gabbing until about midnight. Saturday I hit the slopes. My first run down the bunny slope took over a half an hour and I rode all the way down on my segg. You can guess what that's Hungarian for. It basically feels like you're falling down a flight of stairs! I wish I had brought along some vicodin as I joked about before I left. The next few runs went quicker. I didn't gain any more control, but I slid faster every time. After dinner Saturday we all got together in the living room and the group performed traditional Hungarian folk songs. Most Americans have really missed out on important and simple bonding activities. It was fun and sweet to share their nostalgia. Not long after the booze really started to flow, and the living room transformed into a dance floor. Laser pointers, blacklights, sofa dances, voguing; it was quite the cabin rave.
Sunday several people went up to the resort to board again. I stayed behind because, well, I couldn't walk. Hell, I had trouble holding up my toothbrush. I'm certainly looking forward to making another go at boarding though. Maybe I could line my clothes with those little air-filled pouches that are used as packing material. POP! P-P-POP! POP! Look at Rizsa go!
There are pix from the weekend here and here.
February 11, 2005
February 09, 2005
You know how when you're trying not to think of someone so much and the universe decides to present you with panging reminders? Argument says that during sensitive times we're just more aware of these 'coincidences'.
Last Thursday, the day after I bowed out of the bizarre love triangle, (I know how you guys love when I slip lyrical references in) I was trying to buy a BART ticket but the machine kept spitting out my quarter. Again and again and again it dropped it into the change tray. After inspecting the rejected coin I realized that it was a Canadian quarter. Of course it is! Over the weekend I was introduced to two men at two different parties who share the same name as the recently unexplored crush. Of course I did! And just today I was given the task of following up on a software order from last year. The date of the order was November 24th. "Eeeee" I squealed, that's the day before my birthday. "Harumph" I moaned, that's the day we met. Say it with me now, Of course it is!
Luckily we didn't have a song otherwise I'm sure I'd hear it every time I turned on the radio, from every car that passed by, and in every cafe and retail store I entered
I felt like an uber-Diva this morning listening to this in the financial district. I pretty much strutted all the way down Montgomery Street.
February 06, 2005
February 05, 2005
And I've been consistent. Yes, that's right, no slacking here, I'm giving it my all. There’s been a beer with dinner on Monday, a glass of wine with the girls on Tuesday, a beer with dinner on Wednesday, and a glass of wine with lunch on Thursday. Last night I went to a friend's Fondue Birthday party where I drank wine like it was water and smoked on the deck back like a pro. Yep, too many people in a small space mixed with booze, and a fire hazard thrown in for good measure. I was home before one, but did it occur to me to pace myself since I have another birthday party at the swanky Paragon this evening? Yeah, not so much. They boast over sixty vodkas from around the world. Looks like Your Majesty’s gonna need her passport!
February 04, 2005
February 02, 2005
January 30, 2005
January 29, 2005
It goes without saying that personal tastes run the gamut, but perhaps maybe women are no longer hastily ruling out a man just because he has a little more cushion for the pushin'!
January 27, 2005
One lady was broken up with over the soup course and then on the way home was asked if she wanted to go back to his place. Another lady was taken all the way to Muir Woods for a "hike" just so that he could tell her that he didn’t want to date her anymore, but he’d sure like to keep sleeping with her. We know that one Lady’s husband invited a girl over to dinner to tell her he didn't want to see her again, but the unsuspecting dinner guest obviously had much higher hopes for the evening because she showed up with her overnight bag!
We've no doubt that the men’s hearts are in the right places, but allow me to request on behalf of all of us, maybe a cliché “We need to talk” might better prepare us. Then again, maybe the tales years later are worth it.
January 26, 2005
January 25, 2005
January 24, 2005
January 23, 2005
That's exactly what I've been reduced to in a particular situation where my patience, pride, and poise are being tested. I know a lot is going to be learned when I look at this from the Zen/Live in the Now/Equanimity ideology, but I've lived all of my life allowing myself to feel and react. To be so close to something that seems so good, and not be allowed to embrace it...!*@%$
The Tony Robbins in me says, "A challenge is just an opportunity for growth". The Margaret Cho in me says, "This is for the fucking birds"!
I'm not only THE queen, but I'm also a Drama Queen occasionally
January 22, 2005
January 21, 2005
January 19, 2005
January 18, 2005
January 17, 2005
Friday night I went to The Tonga Room for a friend's birthday and despite feeling robbed blind by the drink prices and surprise $5 'entertainment fee' PER PERSON added to the tab, I had an absolute blast. If you can go with the cheesy flow you really can enjoy the bad 70s and 80s covers and focus on your fun and bubbly entourage. I had one Margarita (a nine dollar and ninety-two cent Margarita to be exact) and shook it to the likes of Barry White and Janet Jackson. I made very limited small talk with a few German guys here on holiday; poor guys had all of SF to choose from on a Friday night and their guidebook recommends The Tonga Room. They said they were pretty jet lagged so they weren't going to be out late, but I gave them a few of Queen Reese's special nightlife tips just in case they got a second wind.
Sunday night I met some friends out to see Gold Chains and The Lovemakers. Unfortunately the back room met it's capacity as we were the next people in line to get in, so we sat at a table just outside the door BUT it worked out better because we could still hear each other talk and we had plenty of room. I drank TWO Margaritas (two very, very strong, bought for me Margaritas to be exact) and proceeded to smoke two cigarettes and flirt shamelessly until closing. Oh and bonus:I also scored a free shot of tequila (which I graciously gave away to a friend because I was already too swilly for my own good) and all I had to do was accidentally get splattered with hot candle wax by the bartender.
I'm taking it easy today and gathering my strength for the week. I start my Italian class tomorrow night and I have a few social engagements on the horizon. It's good to be The Queen!
January 13, 2005
January 10, 2005
January 07, 2005
January 05, 2005
I was given this project 6 weeks ago, a project which the initial department sat on for two months and then decided in Mid-November that they wanted it completed by year's end. So I take it on, gradually eliminating the former party’s involved because "we didn't communicate effectively” and I kicked ass. I really enjoyed seeing this thing through and always having satisfying up-to-date status report whenever asked (which was often). All the while the heads that initiated the project kept emailing with questions even though I had already taken the time to send out unsolicited status reports just to keep everyone happy. The two of them are in the same office and they are NEVER on the same page. Plus they're emailing me about projects that I told them repeatedly were going to have to wait until after the first of the year if they wanted THIS big sucker done in 6 weeks or less. PLUS while I'm supposed to be finishing this monster in a New York minute, there is a guy in my office who's trying to get me fired because I'm sitting in his "area", and I don't actually work for him, and he can't control me. Proudly, I didn't make a single mistake during the whole high-pressure process. So this week I'm getting a trickle of emails about the project, and the two who are in the same office, email with conflicting requests. So I sent out an email kindly asking them to discuss and give me a final number, and one replies, with a snippy ass attitude, that they were asking for two different things. So sue me you incompetent freak! My first misunderstanding.
My boss said she's probably testy because I've made them look like such lame asses by getting this done so fast and making it look so easy. I don't get satisfaction from making others look bad, it just rubbed me the wrong way when she made it sound like I was a moron for not deciphering their barrage of emails when I’ve been so on top of it from day one. Poopy Head.