October 31, 2002

Happy New Year!!!

I have to say that I was successful with last years resolutions which included living on my own and getting out of the city more often. This year I will find my kitty, resolve unsettled concerns, volunteer more, have the discipline to execute ideas, and get in better shape. I hope everyone has a blast tonite, and for the year to come!!

October 29, 2002

Not The Kind Of Pet You Take To The Park.....

Unless of course you're into that sort of thing!

October 28, 2002

And I Thought My Cramps Were The Worst Thing About My Period

Maybe he was a secret shopper on the early morning shift.

Maybe he had been sent down to Walgreen's by his wife, and wanted to watch and learn by example.

Maybe he's just a sick, twisted fuck who enjoys hovering three feet behind women while they shop for tampons at 7:30 in the morning.
Much Needed Vitamin D To The Rescue!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for sunshine!!!

I saw Jackass Friday night and OHMAGAWD it is uproarious! It was opening night so the crowd was lively and I was in stitches. Go see it now! I went to a four year-old's birthday party on Saturday and jumped in the inflated bouncy house until my lungs practically collapsed. Once you do something a toddler likes, you'd better be prepared to do it over, and over, and over, until the end of time. A twenty pound kid feels like a hundred after forty or fifty tosses around an air filled fire station. I spent Saturday evening surfing the personals with a friend who's not ready to date just yet, but wants to see what's out there. We were in a fit of laughter over the candidates. Out of two hundred men that matched her search, about ten were worthy of the "Hotlist". We came across the profile of a friend of hers. He had a bunch of typos and he's an editor, he put in our heads the mental image of him on the toilet with a newspaper, and he said that camping gear could be found in his room to which my friend exclaimed, "He doesn't CAMP"! Later that night I went to a warehouse Halloween party from midnight until four in the morning. To say the freaks come out at night is an understatement. Only people out that late are tweekers! And me. But I danced and guzzled water all night, and enjoyed a social event without scoping for boys which was strange and refreshing as hell. Sunday I did natta but watch the Giants get creamed because I was beat from my wee hours of the morning outing.

I had my first visit with my therapist today and she couldn't be more perfect for me! I'm so excited to clear the clutter. One of the heaviest issues I face is the guilt of being so far from my siblings, especially my youngest brother who is seven. I feel selfish that I'm so happy so far away from him, and he's suffering. I feel like I should be doing more, live closer to be more of a positive influence for him. She said that although she can't tell me what course of action to take, she wanted to point out that sometimes watching a sibling go for their happiness is a great influence for them as well. That gave me a new sense of relief.

October 25, 2002


I just called the tech support line for a design program we have here at the office. The IT dude gave me a web address to go to, so I did, then he had me click 'ok' a few times, and before I knew it, the dude had complete control over my computer from 1,300 miles away. He was moving the cursor, opening programs, it was really creepy. Is that what hacking is?

October 21, 2002

East Meets West

I hosted a magical wedding on my roof top deck Saturday at sunset. A romantic pink sky, full moon, and seventeen people bursting with love. And we couldn't have had two more diverse families merging if we tried. The bride is Japanese and the groom is Virginian. The bride's guests were a gaggle of giggling Asian girls, and the groom's family is Southern Christian conservative, not much exposure to city living. The country folk were in complete culture shock, and after two days here, could not wait to get back home for a plate of hot grits and fried okra.

The groom also invited his very best friend from Virginia. (You should have known). I knew him in Va and always thought he was the cutest thing with his big brown eyes, great nostrils, perfect white, straight teeth, and plenty of tattoos. He always had a girlfriend, but lucky for me he hit the West side single. That's right, your darling ruler finally got some! After all, my dating strike doesn't begin until November. And Sunday morning was October. And a damn satisfying October morning I might add. It's been entirely too long since the USS Muff has had a qualified diver on board. It was obvious from the start that he enjoys what he does, and I'll testify that there's a lot to be said for loving what you do. Thanks a million snuggle buddy!
Do You Want To Make More Money?

Sure, we all do! My fun co-worker went down to L.A. last week with my boss to do some antique shopping. He said the most frequent commercial on TV was a promotion for alpaca farming. No there isn't something you're not getting, it's just really that bizarre! And there are a couple of farms right here in the Bay Area! Do smell a field trip? Hmmm, I wonder if I could talk my landlord into letting me keep livestock on the roof!

October 17, 2002

Guilty Pleasures

I have to admit. I have a number of embarrassing indulgences that I would never share with anyone, but many peculiar ones that I'm not ashamed of at all. My nostril fetish for one. Another, The Big Titty Baby Show, or more commonly known as Charmed. This has got to be the campiest show in history. Buffy couldn't beat it with a stake. When the show first aired I was furious that they were depicting Wicca as this over-the-top, blowing things up with their minds type of spirituality. But half way through the second season, I realized this was merely a platform to parade taut tummies and BOOBIES! I've gotten so many people hooked on this weekly 60 minute cleavage-fest, it could be considered my own magical power. It is a riot to see how often a perky set of jumblies can get camera time. For instance, you see a woman from behind, sitting at the bar of the Charmed One's nightclub, and as the camera closes in, she gets up to leave the bar and BAM!, breasteses. And the story lines use every angle possible to get the girls into wet-dream-worthy attire including fetish wear and skimpy superhero costumes. I won't deny that Six Feet Under is a clever show, and I could just walk across the street to see it, but I'm going to be planted on my own sofa under the WB's spell every Sunday at 8pm. Viva la ta-tas!

What's your guilty pleasure? Email your Majesty and I'll post replies, anonymously of course.

If you're going to spray perfume all around you in the morning, don't drink from he uncovered glass of water sitting on the dresser afterwards.

October 16, 2002

It Only Takes A Click
Let the Healing Begin

So much in a better mood, yes. effectively communicate, no. I had a mini tarot reading last night, and the summary was that there's an air of great heartbreak and loss around me. Not necessarily romantic, which I know it isn't, but more about my desires and goals. She said it could be my Saturn return as well, which would mean things that are typically sedimentary are now being stirred up. This should prove to be an interesting journey for me. Sorting out negative feelings that have nothing to do with romance is a first for me. It's refreshing really, to give myself this time to heal without the distraction of the dating dance. It's taken me a long time to become a clean slate in the boy department again, and the first time I didn't focus inward. It was my first year here in SF and I used all of my excess energy to party like a mad woman to mask any uneasy feelings I had about being alone. Winter is a time for introspection and I'm digging out my magnifying glass.

I suggested the title "the wheels on the bus go round and round" to exploding dog.

You know how you meet someone who you KNOW isn't good for you and yet you entertain the idea, creating solid explanations for those very bad qualities? After all, we don't want to be too hard on people right? But if you do go for it, then 2 months later when it's over, you site these very attributes as the factors for the relationship's demise!
I will NOT let lust prevail over reason. I will NOT let lust prevail over reason. I will NOT let lust prevail over reason. I will NOT let lust prevail over reason. I will NOT let lust prevail over reason.

October 15, 2002

Ray of Light

I must say, my spirits have lifted a bit today. I'm actually jovial and slappy around here at work. My fun co-worker yelled out, "She's baaaaack"! I still want to embark on therapy to be sure things don't sneak up on me at the most inopportune time, but alas I'm not a drag to be around!

October 14, 2002

Moody Blues

They're still here and I can't shake 'em. I'm really hoping it's because I was sick all last week and I still have to bounce back, but it's quite frightening to me when I'm used to the sunny side of things and now the only thoughts going through my head are my "issues". We all have them, and I I've always prided myself at having a great hold and control over my priorities and my mental health. But lately I'm frustrated with the negative energy that's surrounding me. I always feel better when I write or talk about things, and it's usually just pre-menstrual, but I've filled pages and friends ears, and my mood has not lifted. I tried making my 'Things to be thankful for" list, but for every positive aspect, it seemed like three "needs to be worked on" items popped into my train of thought. I'm alienating friends and bringing down morale at the office. I feel all around bitter and for absolutely NO good reason. I'm going to talk to a professional soon. It's scary, not because I feel defeated, I'm very pro-therapy, but because I have no idea what we'll uncover. When your seemingly happy, always the one with a smile, and then within days you fell like Eeyore, you know there's trouble. Could be something as simple as the pill that I've recently started, wouldn't that be nice. Thanks everyone for listening to me blubber this last week, hopefully there's some relief coming soon!

"Call Me"

So a friend of mine accepted a ride home with a guy after a conference week before last. She had just met him, and when he dropped her off, he asked for her phone number. She gave him her number, although she wasn't bowled over with enthusiasm, she wouldn't have minded getting together to check him out. This was Thursday. He called her on Friday during the day, multiple times, but only left one message. She was going to call him Friday night, but got busy and planned on calling Saturday. He called Friday night, multiple times. She was a bit put off at his tenacity without any encouragement on her part, and decided she would wait until Sunday, see how she felt about it, and call him then. He called over, and over, and over. It's been a little over a week, and he's called twenty-nine times without ever having spoken to her. Does he think this is a radio call in contest or something? He's only left two messages, in the beginning, but does he not know that everyone has caller ID? Where is this dude's impulse control? Where is his pride? Call, yes. Leave a message, yes. Call after the weekend in case she was out of town or busy, yes. But call every time she crosses your mind, no no no no no no.... I know that it's disappointing when you're interested and it doesn't pan out, but get a grip! What posses a person to pursue with absolutely NO reciprocation? I'm not saying my friend isn't amazing, because if he actually knew her, he'd probably be passing over her house in an airplane with a desperate banner trailing behind "Why don't you like me"??

October 11, 2002

Red Flag

I've exchanged three, small talk emails with this guy from nerve.com. We swapped phone numbers and made plans to go out Tuesday night. I called him Tuesday evening and told him that my early plans were running late, and that I wasn't feeling all that well anyway, so I would drop him a line on Wednesday to let him know if I felt like getting together. He sounded fine with it, and wished me getting better. I took off from work on Wednesday because I was so sick, and when I was across the street at my neighbor friend's house getting drugs (vitamin C and Advil), I hopped on her computer and dropped him a note.

subject-I'm a Flake
Hi so and so,
I have to postpone once again, I'm feeling so bad that I didn't even go to work today. My glands are huge and my throat is on fire! I have your number so I'll drop you a line when I'm feeling human again.

His reply:

subject-flakey gurl
The flaky part is the email. You could just call. Which I hope you'll
when you're feeling better. I am curious how your meeting at 111
so and so

My throat was huge and on fire you anal retentive prick, THAT"S why I emailed. I didn't feel like wasting what little energy I had on a nit-picky freak like you! And he wants me to still call him after a remark like that? I can see this penis wrinkle down the road with whoever has the misfortune of making a connection "Excuse me honey," "How can you explain that you bought single roll toilet paper instead of the double roll". "Just what is going on here"?
I'm not even going to dignify this with a reply. Just to reiterate, I'm taking the month of November off from dating!

p.s. We missed the woman we were supposed to talk to at Minna so we're going to try again next week.
It's A BOY!

Yesterday I witnessed the birth of a good friend's son. This was the second time I've had the honor of experiencing this humbling moment, and I'll take every chance I can get. 8lbs 12oz, 21" long, healthy and BEAUTIFUL! After about 12 hours of epidural concealed contractions, his head came out during the practice pushes, and the rest after only 3 pushes! I learned that the key to a peaceful delivery is prenatal yoga and numbing juice released directly into the spine. The Verve was lying when they said 'The drugs don't work', because I've seen first hand how a constant supply of a local anaesthetic can alleviate the unbearable pain that makes you want to DIE. And when my time comes, I'll be pushing the button like the returning champion on Jeopardy my friends, because as one nurse put it, "If the baby is okay, why be in pain". Hell, the nurses encourage you to push the magic button as much as you want, I even saw a nurse sneak a few clicks in herself. The device has a guard on it so you can't over medicate yourself, and it doesn't harm to the baby. Natural shmatural. I guarantee at two centimeters dialated you'll be tackling the nurse that holds the keys to the narcotics cart like a fat kid would the dessert tray. Congratulations Mom and Dad, you did good. And welcome little man, you're a lucky dude to be a part of such a wonderful family. *sniff*

October 08, 2002

Reader's Response to The Disclaimer Part 2

-I think anytime you fall in love, or simply invest yourself into a relationship like that, it enriches you as a person. It might really, really hurt for a while, but in the end, when you come out the other side, you're a fuller person. And, maybe if you don't stop hurting after the person leaves, it means that you need to move heaven and earth to go be with that person. The only real word of warning would be that it's really easy to idealize a 4 month relationship after the fact. You're usually still in the honeymoon period; cute little habits that would *really* annoy you after a year, are still cute. Also, more fundamental issues (like communication) can be easier to gloss over when you think it's only going to last 4 months. So, it's also really easy to look back and think that was the best relationship you ever had -- it may have been really intense, and full of great passion, but it also didn't have the chance to really mature. For me, that was actually kind of the hardest thing about it being over, all the might have beens, this whole "it's not you or me or the relationship, it's just the world."

Mixed Signals

The gay boy at the local cafe has been entirely too flirty with me in my opinion. My fun co-worker (who is a gay boy) and I think that he is foxy. Every time we go in, my co-worker said that cafe boy was checking me out. He would compliment my dress while gawking at my booty and make small talk. So a few weeks ago I asked the girl at the counter who the guy was with the shaved head and blue eyes that I sometimes see there and she said he was the owner. I told her that my friend thought he was cute, and asked if he liked boys or girls and she said boys. But I swear when I go in there, he is so interested in chatting and hanging out with me until my food comes...I'm not one of those girls who thinks that every guy that talks to her likes her. It was my co-worker who had to point out to me that he thought this guy was hitting on me. So today I was placing my order and they ask your name, and he's standing within ear shot and he says, "I thought your name was Jessica". I said "Actually it's Reese, but I use this name (wouldn't you like to know) when I come here because Reese yelled out sounds too much like the other names that they call out". So he walks the length of the bar muttering Reese, Reese, Reese.....After I picked up my salad I smiled at him and said thanks and he says "You're welcome REESE"!, with a big ol' smile and a flash of those baby blues. Time to grow some balls and ask the kid out.

I'm not sure, but I think my date from Saturday night may haven given me a booty call last night. He called close to 11pm, from a bar where he had been drinking and watching the game, and his first question was, "How are your spots"? See the spots were one of the reasons why I didn't want to get naked in the bed with him. That and it was our first date. Okay, so I would have gotten naked, but it doesn't mean I would have 'gone all the way'. Really, I wouldn't have. I can't stand the feeling after casual sex anymore, just not worth it. I emailed him this morning and asked him if it was in fact a booty call, but no response. I can't say I blame him, I did go home with him the first night. And I am DEAD SEXY! But I actually enjoyed his company enough that I'd rather not be kept in the bedroom.

My boss gave me the results of my review and it looks like I'm getting a bonus for all of the hard work I've been doing in the last four months, BUT since I haven't had a chance to prove myself enough as full on office manager/PR, due to the rush of finishing this last big project, he has suggested another review in three months where upon, I will be greatly rewarded for my sucking up, er um, hard work and efforts. Ah well. Now I have a challenge and I have money to burn!

October 07, 2002

The Disclaimer Part 2

Back in June I wrote a post regarding the infamous dating disclaimer. My stand was that people should not commence every relationship with "I'm not looking for anything serious" just so that after 3 months of acting like a couple, they can bail and say that you were forewarned. Just admit that you've realized you're not compatible, and bow out. If it were that easy. Bringing egos into the mix reduces everything to a battle of self protection and rejection control. The post was written from a twinge of anger because a good friend was hurting. Now I have even more thoughts on the subject. I still think that the people who use this line to make getting out of the relationship easier are cowards, but I have realized that there are very valid reasons for being upfront with people and setting a boundary. Sometimes we have just gotten out of a relationship and are not whole yet to begin again. Perhaps one is working on internal issues, to make themselves a better person for a relationship. One might be in the progress of moving out of the country. BUT, just because the boundary has been set, doesn't mean you can set a boundary on your heart.
So a friend of mine has just fallen for a girl who is moving to Brazil in four months. What's a boy to do? I don't know! He is the biggest kid at heart I know, in the best possible way. He's thirty-four, ridiculously creative and funny, much integrity, and he wants someone special in his life. Does he continue to follow his heart, and enjoy her company for as long as he can, creating happy memories that he can look back on fondly? Nothing lasts forever anyway, right? These two really, really get along. She makes him laugh, she's a very caring woman, and there's certainly chemistry. How can he get to know her for the next four months, and not have his heart hope that she will change her mind and not go, or perhaps invite him on her journey. And who's to say that couldn't happen? How can he take it day by day, and try to keep her leaving in the back of his mind, when each day she's sharing trip planing details. Should he explain that her departure would create too much heartbreak and end it now? Should he invest his time and heart one someone he knows will not be around for very long, keeping him from meeting someone who could potentially be a keeper? Or does he take a risk?
I've tried putting myself in his shoes to give him fair advice. I would more than likely take the risk. If I like this person as much as I've liked a few men in the past, I'd go for it. Of course the idealist in me would go off on daydreams of him asking me to run away with him, but the realist in me would warn my friends of a potential break-down, and keep in mind that we grow and learn from pain.
Any thoughts?

October 06, 2002

Can I Get An AMEN?!

I went on my lunch date yesterday. He's really nice. He's very tall and handsome, and soft spoken. We had lunch and chatted for about an hour and a half. He's from New York, his Dad was a film producer, and he's interested in the biz as well. Although there was no immediate chemistry, I would like to enjoy his company again.

I went on my night date, and it lasted until morning. (gasp) I wasn't a total skank, despite the 4 lemon drops consumed on an empty stomach. It wasn't due to a lack of pursuit, but I'm still a tad spotty from my camping expedition, and I don't feel like the saucy Monarch that I am. Finally a set of lips worth smooching. He's very cute, and he makes me laugh. I liked kissing him, and he liked rubbing my booty. He bit the bullet and went to The Stud with me until 3am, nice sacrifice. We didn't make plans to see each other again, but I'd say yes if he asked. Hell, I think I would even call and ask this one myself.

I went this morning and met friends for brunch, a friend cooked a delicious eggs gravlax, rosemary potatoes, biscuits, and a fruit tart. I actually had the nerve to wash it all down with 2 mimosas. We walked around the Castro Street Fair for about an hour, and now I'm preparing for a nice Sunday afternoon nap!

October 04, 2002

Bizee Beaver
Hey Beavis, she said Beaver!

I'm going out to dinner with friends tonite. I have a brunch date tomorrow. I'm going out for drinks for a co-worker's birthday tomorrow night. I have a date tomorrow nite after birthday cocktails. I'm having brunch with friends on Sunday and then hopefully getting some laundry dome Sunday nite. I don't know too much about my dates. They responded to my ad in the personals, so we'll see. My Missed Connections dude didn't call and ask me out again. Ah well, I got my very first piece of camping gear as a parting gift!
I've been working to promote my fun co-workers art because he is so amazing, and we've been asked to meet with the art person at 111 Minna on Tuesday, isn't that just awesome?! Chatting people up and getting them enthused, yeah I was born to do it!

October 03, 2002

Level Headed

I finally talked to my friend yesterday. I called and apologized for ruining his good mood and asked if we were still friends. I told him that I felt justified in my reaction to my disappointment, but it hurt me to know that I bummed my friend out. We're completely back to good, and he even added that he couldn't be happier having me as a friend, we were all just a little testy that day. Warm and Fuzzy!