March 21, 2007

it's what i do!

I just received my first check for voice over work. 100 smackers for 25 minutes work. This should become the norm if I do say so myself!

March 19, 2007

Whining pays

So last night I took the time to put on paper how much chasing my dream is really going to cost me. My first reaction was panic but I quickly took a step back and decided not to worry about something that in't an issue yet. Most of the time nothing is worth freaking about anyway, but I was proud of myself for nipping any ill feelings in the bud and deciding to find a solution. I went into work this morning and expressed my ' financial concerns' to a co-worker who suggested It's person to person lending and borrowing where the borrower states their terms and lenders put money into their account. I'm still pursuing student loans and such but I love seeing evidence of the better I handle a situation, the better the situation becomes!

March 14, 2007

The thing that bugs me about so many romance movies (besides the disgusting do-see-do of a-list celebrities) is that they make it appear as though the couple is desperately in love after like, a glance, or reaching for the same apple. Next we'll see a steamy bedroom scene and we're supposed to accept superficial lust for deep, passionate love by which either would combat government interference, disease, social hierarchy, or time travel just to be with the other. BULL! I just watched Prime with Uma Thurman and Bryan Greenberg and it was great because it showed them spending quality time together. I completely understood why they wanted to be together and make it work despite the obstacles. There was walking in the park, sweet gestures, acting goofy, witty banter, the good stuff. Quality time is essential. BELIEVE ME. If you skip the getting to know you and go directly into hopelessly devoted, I gotta tell ya, not so satisfying. Of course we know that, but we can get so anxious to get what we want that we ignore the reality and wind up feeling worse because the current is so wrong. Patience grasshopper. So now I'm on the hunt for truly romantic films, that may not have that sweeping, 'reunited and it feels so good kiss', but the relationships are based on fundamental compatibilities and genuine affection. Who's with me?!

March 09, 2007

How is it that time makes us so goddamned nostalgic for things that at the time made us borderline miserable. I just watched a movie with a key scene at Love Parade in Berlin, and when I was there in 2003 the reality reeked of piss and booze, was disorientingly chaotic, and overall juvenile. But I got almost weepy remembering a few special moments, like leading my boyfriend at the time around by the hand because he had just eaten his first pot brownie and was too high to know which end was up. And stopping at a booth to get an airbrush tattoo, picking something fierce and wicked, only to find out later there was mix up and I wound up with a tiny wimpy daisy! The city was turned upside down and it was a bitch to get around anywhere, and when we finally made it home to the artist commune we lived in, the building was partying full blast, inside and out. But we watched a couple of episodes of The Family Guy, made nice hubba hubba, and snuggled until we fell asleep. Guess it was all about love after all.
I was in a LearnIt class all week and yesterday the girl sitting in from of me was on Wikipedia looking up perinium. Perhaps she's a med student. Yeah, that's it.

March 03, 2007

A New Discovery

A couple of weekends ago one of my suitors and I went up to Sebastopol for quick little getaway. Saturday night we had a delicious sushi dinner at Deep with friends and then Sunday morning we headed up to the Russian River area. We stayed at this funny little B&B that was decorated in an Avalon theme. Our room was the perfect balance of luxury amenities and make-believe kitsch. The innkeepers were very sweet and the breakfast was perfection.

Sunday afternoon we went for a hike in Armstrong woods. It was chilly, but so nice to be out in nature. We watched the sunset from a cemetery with peculiar little headstones perched on a hill, and later had dinner at The Underwood in Graton and it was spectacular. Monday we stopped at an abandoned amusement park that we had passed a couple of times so I could get some shots. Just as I was finishing up an old man with white hair and a long beard came from nowhere and started approaching the car. He had a vacant look on his face and his posture was super creepy. I scrambled back into the car and sped away, when a huge dog started barking and chasing us; I felt like we were in a horror flick! We drove out to Goat Rock Beach where a friend said we could see the elephant seals, but none were out. It was incredibly windy, and I jumped around the sand dunes and pretended I was snowboarding. We made a final stop to this little bakery everyone recommended, Wild Flour. I ordered a pumpkin scone with dates and a cinnamon roll. The roll must have weighed a half a pound, it was hilarious and delicious.

I'm not seeing the suitor anymore, but I'll be seeing a lot more of this cute little area that's so easy to get to. Take a peek.
The other day I had a crazy notion that I should build up my caffeine tolerance to avoid Italian stink eye asking for decaf in Florence. So I ordered a slightly caffeinated bevvie and after drinking just half of the half/caf I realized I am a total wuss. I had to eat a couple of tums and I felt like I was coming down from a bad acid trip. Hopefully when I get there I can find a cafe that will cater to my intolerance of their staple substance!
I simply MUST see this before I leave the states!
Seeing people dressed in hospital scrubs smoking. Now that's irony incarnate.
My friend at work saw a picture of me with my 11 year old brother on my desk. Without thinking she asked, "What does he do"? I was laughing hysterically and as she was realizing what she said, I answered, "Oh you know, venture capital, stock and bonds. He's a real mover and shaker".

A Little boost

A friend emailed this to me a long time ago and I read it whenever I feel like I'm at an impasse; with my art, family, friends or relationships. I'm on a roll making plans for my next chapter right now, but I thought this might be useful for anyone who is suffering from Winter Blues or going through a major transition in life.

LAST WEEK: last week i was uncomfortable AND discouraged. last week i talked to person after person that had the same negative tone of “what are you doing here in berlin, there is no money and no work for dancers” and then what little work does exist is extremely hard to get. i amrealizing even an audition is near impossible unless you are a truly unique and
exotic specimen with a ten page CV, that includes being the reincarnation of martha graham.
REJECTIONS: i have already been “unaccepted” to one audition, and not chosen for an audition that i did get. so my rejections begin to collect. and yes, i am keeping a log. tally marks that somehow make the shame humorous, ordered, and insignificant. lines on paper that i can snub some day.
POOF: so last week, for various reasons we need not go into here, i hit a low. i cried and tried to self-combust by means of strong mental power.
THE LIGHT AT YONDER END: and then something happened. it occurred right there in the open air on “koppenplatz”. i was just walking along, desolate little me, and something yet unknown to my persona took hold. these foreign streets, combined with denial and discouragement, ignited some force in me that makes me feel as a stranger unto myself. truly, i skirt outer
body experience. i was just walking down the block and something shifted.
WHILE IN ROME: i feel like the germans wake up each day and set an internal metronome to which they march. they follow a beat and stick to it. a bit cold, but focused, and closed to all distraction. so, “when in rome”. . .i set my own little metronome of determination and embark on a personal plan of attack.
EGO: first, good-bye to ego. ego must go so that confidence can function unencumbered. whatever ego i could manage to part with i left in the rosenthaler U-bahn station. Ego had me shy and beating myself up over a bad plie in class, Ego kept me from testing my german when lost on the streets. Ego was not helping the situation at all.
SECOND: second, i see how it has to be. i have this short set thumb, which, according to one palmitrist, means that i have to work for what i get in life. dance won’t come to me, so i go to it. and this requires a distinct tact and boldness that makes me immensely uncomfortable. but since my ego is on loan to the berlin air, i’ve managed to put myself on several lines and what do you know – it pays.
SERIOUSLY: i went to see marten spangberg (dancer/choreographer) perform and was impressed with what he did. the day after his show i boarded the u-bahn, took my seat, and sitting directly across from me was, well who do you think- marten spangberg. so i leaned in, interrupted his journaling, and said “excuse me. . .” and then complimented his show. a conversation ensued in which he was rather inquisitive about my story. he seemed impressed with some part of the tale and as he was de-boarding he said “i’ll get you a gig” but he’s getting off the train and i have no idea how to get in touch with
him. so he tells me to call a local gallery for his mobile number, and i say ok, and then as the doors close he turns around and utters an emphatic “seriously!”
SERENDIPITY: this is the second astounding moment of serendipity i have experienced with this stunt called berlin, and it honestly took my breath. of all the trains i could have boarded, of all the strangers i could have sat next to. . .wow, and i haven’t even feng shuied my flat.
PERSONALITY: I can’t do a thing about the facts of my CV. It seems a lack of experience as recorded on paper is going to be a hindrance to certain goals. but while tangible success can be recorded on paper, the talents of character will never be captured in CV format. my movement is important in this dance world, but i also am coming to find more value in the abilities of the character to endure, build, and remain on two feet when hopeless sets in; to impress upon people something that matters – the personality. so in some odd way i train this aspect of my career now, pushing myself into the uncomfortable and holding tight to the positive in the face of some rather grumpy negative.
METAPHOR: also, i’m learning a new way to ride roller coasters. my external flesh goes up and down, while my organs maintain a flatline. this way, i can both enjoy the ride, but not throw up from too much jostling. . . .last week bad, this week good, next week. . . probably bad again, but such is the ride.