September 30, 2002

Hot Headed

I couldn't feel any lower. I got into a tiff with a good friend yesterday and we haven't talked about it so I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I slept for more than 30 minutes at a time last night. So yesterday I headed out to meet my friends downtown and walk around the Folsom Street Fair. I had been craving a Bianca omelette from Cafe Bean for over a week, so I decided to have breakfast before I met my friends. Then they called and said they wanted to go to the fair earlier. So I ate a cup of yogurt and planned on satisfying my omelette urge after the fair. I went to the fair and walked around in the hot sun, getting hungrier by the hour. Finally at 4:00 we headed out to Cafe Bean for a long overdue meal. We get all the way there, and the fucking kitchen is closed. The two friends I was with already knew I was going to start my period in the next day or so because I'm on the same schedule as my friend's wife. A volatile combination of low blood sugar, raging hormones, 3 hours in the hot sun rubbing against strange naked and hairy men, and then being denied my desire for Bianca's eggy goodness was more than I could keep a happy face on for. I sat at a table very quietly and breathed deep for about 5 minutes while my friends used the bathroom. I got up and told them I wanted to drop by their place to see what they wanted to show me, but then I needed to go home because I didn't want to take my frustration out on people who didn't deserve it. Of course I didn't have the greatest demeanor in the world while warning them, but I thought it was pretty mature to let them know that I didn't want them to suffer for my imbalances. These are friends that I've had for years. They know I can be a moody so and so and I thought it would be no big deal. We would go to their place, I'd giggle at whatever it was they wanted to see, it would put me in a better mood, and we'd go eat somewhere else. Instead, my bad vibe was absorbed by one of my friends and he sarcastically suggested that I just home now. I was infuriated. He stormed away, I stormed away, thanking them for a fun afternoon, and I stomped off.
Now I understand that he didn't want to be around me while I'm pissy, but for Christ's sake I can't be sunshine and roses all of the fucking time. And I wasn't throwing a fit, just quiet and short. It made me feel like he's happy being my friend when I'm happy, but if I'm not going to put a smile on his face then be gone with me. Of course I'm sure I'm drawing that conclusion based on the decrease in sanity that comes with the my monthly blood loss. I've known him for about 4 years now, and he's never really ever been pissy. He's a really mellow guy. Great, grand, wonderful. I wish I had a more stable body chemistry, but I don't, and I had hoped that the people who have known me for a while accepted a few set backs because for the most part, I'm a fucking joy to be around. To add to the awkwardness, him and his wife are supposed to renew their vows on my roof deck in 3 weeks. Of course I want them to continue as planned, his wife was really comforting during the tiff, and the last thing I want to do is add to her worry while planning a wedding three weeks away. I can't even begin to think about mending things until I've started to bleed, I'm entirely too emotional. Ugggghh!

September 27, 2002

P.E.T.A. Would Not Be Pleased

The most luxurious feeling fur on the planet is not mink, but beaver fur. We've just had 3 beaver fur pillows made for our billionaire client. The fur was $500.00 and the labor to create them was $450.00. When you have a chance to feel beaver fur, you'll agree that it was worth $1,000 for 3 small sofa pillows. We have a 12"x15" square of material left. I wonder if anyone would notice if it went missing. Hey Beavis, she said Beaver!
Stand Back, I'm a Professional

So I had my very first voice acting audition yesterday. I got the opp from a dear sweet ladee from my Ladees Nite group. It was great fun despite their inability to record me because of technical difficulties. But alas, the client who shall remain nameless passed on your Queen's gift of gab. boycott dole Oh well, it's an amazing thing to have the opportunity to audition at this stage in the game. And perhaps they were blowing smoke up my royal ass, but they said they were very impressed with my skill and level of professionalism for a student. Just wait until I conquer the world and can manipulate those around me with the sound of my voice! I will be the puppet master! Insert evil villain laugh here.

September 25, 2002


So I went out on a date with the guy from Missed Connections last night. We jumped in a cab and he says "Oh, here I brought you something". He reaches in his pocket and hands me this little Coleman pocket utensil device. I thanked him and asked him if he thought this was odd and he shook his head "No, not at all". Now had this guy not been adorable and an all out gentleman, this would have been just plain weird, but it came across as endearing to me. His reasoning was that flowers are common and since I had mentioned that I was going camping two weekends in a row, this would be useful. Any guy that's original enough to give me well intended flatware on a first date, is groovy in my book. By the way the independent film "No Early Birds" is hysterical. It's a documentary following two yard sale enthusiasts in Austin, Texas. These people are INSANE!

September 23, 2002


It's been suggested that I not tell boys that I go on dates with about my blog, so that if/when it doesn't work out, I have carte blanche to expose their irritating and moronic traits, er um, convey my experiences in a humorous, Reese-like manner. Perhaps, but I don't think I'm running out of good material yet. Am I? Insert paranoid look here.
Missed Connection

So. A couple of Saturday's ago I went to the Odeon Bar with some friends to see Daniel Packard. He's a lot of fun, very audience participation style, I just wish they had given him more stage time. Anyway, there was this cute boy sitting across the room. Did you think you were going to read a story from me that didn't involve a man? So he smiles at me, and I give him the 'Reese wink', and he smiles again. I couldn't really approach him because of the show going on, but I wrote my number on a comment card to give to him on the way out, but as we were leaving he was talking to a girl sitting at his table, and although I am comfortable approaching boys, I don't want to be rude to girls, so I left without making my move. The following Monday my friend asked me for The Weekend Boy Report and I told her that I didn't go on any dates but I mentioned the cutie at the Odeon. She suggested I place an ad on Craigslist's Missed Connections. He didn't look like the "I search missed connections in the hopes that someone saw me but was too awkward to approach me" type, and by that I mean that I usually picture PC slaves like myself, bored at work all day desperately searching for amusement from the black hole of information that is internet, and this guy did not fit that bill, but low and behold a couple of days later I got a response. We're going out on Tuesday.

September 19, 2002

You Attract What You Project

When placing a personal ad for 'a girl who's too smart for her own good', it's best to spell check your ad to show that you too are smart. 10 typos in 4 sentences. That's gotta hurt.
Perks of Working for a Gay Man

My boss just called me here at the office from his cell phone exclaiming, "Look out the front door"! "Look out the front door"! I raced around my desk and slammed myself against the iron gate, jerking my head from left to right. "What am I supposed to be looking at"? I asked, seeing nothing but 3 pigeons pecking at a napkin on the ground. Within a few seconds a perfect, shirtless physique jogged by in front of me and around the corner. While most may think I'm too boy crazy, my boss caters to my weakness.
Don't Speak

September 17, 2002


I slept like crap last night. I kept rolling over onto my damn cat. I must have had to pee about 4 times. I have pulled something wicked fierce in my neck. I was less than enthused about coming into the office this morning.
Then my sweet Israeli boy called from the airport in NY. He can't make it to SF before he goes home, but he's going to try to come out on his first break from school in December/January. Isn't it a beautiful day?

September 16, 2002


A Sponge Bob Squarepants plush toy also doubles as a fantastic pillow for napping at your desk.

September 13, 2002

Social Butterfly

I haven't had my official 3 month review yet, but my boss approached me today and said he'd like to include in my job description, Public Relations and social status for the company. I'm sorry, did you say you're going to pay me to dress up, schmooz and run my mouth? I must be dreaming. Maybe he could give me a clothing allowance!
Happy Friday the 13th!
You Get What You Give

So Wednesday being September 11th was a sensitive day for everyone, and to add to the somber mood, my boss released a fit of rage on the office at 9:00 in the morning so horrific that my fun co-worker and I walked out for a few hours. Pretty unnerving when you're faced with such violence at work. It was just another point of motivation for me to go dance my cares away at Minna after work. I sent out the A.P.B. email and by 6pm I surrendered my credit card to the bartender and invited my friends to indulge at my expense. Did they need to know it was all the money I had until next payday? Hell no! This was a celebration of survival. From terrorists, from your employer, from anything difficult the universe presents to you. I get high from getting friends liquored up and sweaty on the dance floor. I'm a simple woman. So I went to Minna yesterday to retrieve my credit card, bracing myself to see the dent in my account, and instead I was presented with a gift. Seems their register malfunctioned and couldn't even begin to tally the number of drinks added to my tab. They charged me $10.00 and told me to tip big next week. I got choked up on my way home. If you ever hear me bitch about anything not going my way EVER again, slap me a good one.

September 12, 2002


Three beers and I managed to leave my credit card for my tab at the bar. I am cut OFF!

September 11, 2002

Think Pink

Princess Bachelorette Party
Every woman is a five year-old inside.

September 10, 2002


Sunday morning I went down the coast to Half Moon Bay with my fun co-worker and we worked on an art project. We draped fabric along the rocks on the beach and he then incorporated the pictures into paintings. (Link to pix to follow) We saw 4 things that made us laugh like five year-olds. The first was while waiting in traffic, we saw a boy float above a privacy fence across the street. He was jumping on a trampoline and it was a riot seeing his little head pop over the fence, boing, boing, boing. Later on we were eating lunch at on the outside deck of this cute little restaurant, next to a garden that lead down to the bay, and we heard the sound of water running. I stand up and see what looks like a man taking a leak in the bushes. When leaned in to get a better look (oh you would too) he was actually watering the lawn with a garden hose. Couldn't have been staged better. Next we noticed the woman sitting behind us was most comfortable in purple. Purple hair band, purple eye glasses, purple sweater, purple back pack, and purple leather sneakers. I'm guessing she also has an affinity with Barney. And the most appalling thing that had us falling out of our chair, was a woman who was dining inside the restaurant, who decided that she need to floss right after her meal. At the table. With one of those flossing picks. In plain view of other people still eating. Some days everything just hits your funny bone.
Pity Party

Sitting around chatting with two guys friends last night, we discovered that we all happen to be sexually frustrated at the moment. We were flipping through channels on the tube and we stopped on ESPN. It was the National Jump Rope Championships. We were immediately grateful for what sex we've had, because we knew, these kids would never get any. Better to have fucked and lost, that never to have fucked at all.

September 09, 2002

It's the Thought That Counts

Presented to me in a cute little bundle as if a gift set. A cock ring, a moist towelette and a packet of sugar. They came from my fun co-workers desk.

September 06, 2002

"Do I Smell A Whore"?
-Jaime Foxx as Bunz in Booty Call

My fun co-worker and I have to go meet a client today and I look worse than Michael Jackson with bed head. I said "Well at least I took a shower so I won't smell like booze". He replied "No, just Israeli sweat".
Tender Vittles

A poppyseed bagel with strawberry cream cheese and smoked white fish salad on top. Maybe I'm just overhung but is like an orgy in my mouth! Almost as good as mayonnaise on corn-on-the-cob. I fucking ROCK this morning!
Liquor? I Didn't Even Know Her!

Super potent Lavender Martini at the Clift Hotel? Check.

Super potent Mint Martini at the Clift Hotel? Check.

Potent Apple Martini at Cloud 9? Check.

Double Apple Martini at Cloud 9? Double Check.

2 breathtakingly beautiful boys just out of the Israeli army who are only in SF until 7am? Check and cheh-eh-eh-ck! Yeah, use your imagination. Okay Wilder. WILDER!

Needless to say I got my Mojo back. It's a joke with my girlfriends that this skirt I have holds the key to my prowess. I haven't worn it since like January or February because I tore the hem, but a friend mended it, and at long last, the power is back. So you see it's the skirt's fault. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

September 05, 2002

This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Two Of Us

The universe said "Oh, you just wanted to pop into the deli across the street for a quick afternoon mocha type drink thing"? "Yeah, I think I'd like you to run into a fuck buddy from two years ago while you're at it. Have a nice day".

September 03, 2002

Swept Away

Finally a Magickal Tool that caters to us Modern Witches. The customer comments at the bottom say it all.
Labor Day Weekend Movie Report

Singles - Cute but a little slow for me. Worth watching but I think everyone already has.

Gun Shy - Super cute. Nice offbeat humor.

Bullets Over Broadway - Very cute. Great cast. I think everyone has seen this one too.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding - Adorable, and not just because my future husband John Corbett is in it. It's probably on it's way out of the theatres so catch it fast. And take someone Greek with you.

The Sweetest Thing - Ohmagawd. The funniest chick flick I have EVER seen. Girl humor and slapstick antics. My abs hurt. I have already bought it.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder - A tad too much gross humor for me and Tara Reid's acting is painful, but certainly worth watching for cute one liners and 92 minutes of Ryan Reynolds!

September 01, 2002

"Another One Bites The Dust"

Went to my second bachelorette party this month on Friday. Yeah, it happens to the best of us. It was really girly and really great. We started out at the Beauty Bar where the beautiful bartender bestowed us with brain bending beverages. This gathering was a princess theme so we all donned pink attire and tiaras. I was sporting a child's Barbie nightgown over a pair of jeans. The hostess supplied frog prince bubbles and chocolates for the rest of us hopefuls. After our fruity princess like drinks and manicures we headed over to Yerba Buena Bowl to stick our gooey phalanges in public bowling balls. We rocked the night away teaching Bostonians how to play 'big bowling' and gettin' freaky with Sponge Bob Square Pants. Hopefully pix to follow.

Phicus: You're more than just a tree!

Saturday morning at 9am and I think that -no- I know that I am still intoxicated. It's on the nights that you plan to keep it low key, that you party like it's 1999. Friday I went to a bachelorette party and I didn't drink much, not even a buzz, but I was out late so my intention last night was to check out the band and be home by midnight. What was I thinking with my friends Saucy and my Vegas fling/her new interest The Rockstar in the mix.

Reese's Top Ten from Saturday Night

10. The Voodoo Lounge has the largest selection of beautiful nostrils in the city. Unfortunately they all have girlfriends.

9. My body has more Sharpie marker on it than a bathroom wall.

8. After finding your friend's boob marked 'the left one' only moderately funny, a man can be persuaded to buy her and her friend a drink.

7. When your friend tells someone that he looks like Tom Petty and Tom doesn't like it, he'll say that your friend looks like Yanni.

6. Clogging in the bathroom with your friend can be more fun than hanging out in the actual bar.

5. Four pints of Stella Artois in 90 minutes on an empty stomach may impare your vision and coordination.

4. If you sign your friend's bare ass on the corner of Mission and 25th at 2am, chances are someone may see.

3. Constantly introducing yourself to the same people makes you appear drunk.

2. Creating the new new inside joke 'puke boobs' with Saucy.

1. The Rockstar pointing to Saucy and myself proclaiming to everyone "Yeah, I've fucked both of 'em"!

Black suede Esprit clogs: $50.00
Pink silk dragon embossed halter: $70.00
Sharpie Marker: $1.99
Being comfortable going out with your friend and a man you've both slept with: PRICELESS