July 27, 2004

My feelers have been murdered

My honey and I have hit a bump in the road. You know I used to hear that relationships were "hard work" and I always thought that it would mean I'd be tolerating my S.O.'s behavior that bugged me. WAKE UP SISTER! "Hard work" means facing every ugly facet of how you deal with intimacy.

Very early last year I was so quick to boast about having a clean slate in the relationship dept. I was the happy bachelorette, but if I knew that if someone did engage me long enough to want to pursue, I had no baggage, I was ready. Okay, now I see I may have been ready to initiate, but to maintain.....

At this point I'm feeling feelings on every end of the spectrum. My heart aches, my pride is hurt, my ego has taken a hit, the little girl inside is scared, I'm angry at my failures, right now I'm labeling and sorting. I feel like I've worked so hard to be the opposite of my unemotional parents. I've tried so hard to tone down my anger and mood swings by vocalizing when I'm pissy instead of acting out, by cutting sugar out of my diet (ok truthfully let's say limiting my sugar), and to find out that my behavior yet again had prevented emotional and intimate progress, FUCK! I guess the positive side is that now that it's out in the open I can finally deal with it and move it aside, which is my intention, but a good friend had to break it to me that some other issue will rear it's ugly head in the future, and so on, and so on.....

Send thoughts of hugs my way

July 21, 2004

Haiku, a cry for help

much vino last night
loud early morning noises
white girl hungover

July 16, 2004

In the IRS we trust

So I did my taxes this year and I owed. Poopy. I filed a form requesting and installation plan. After two weeks I called to get the status because I hadn't heard anything via mail or phone, (very grown-up) and I was told that my request had been approved, my payments would be $25/mo, first payment due July 25th, but that my first payment needed to be for $43 as a set up fee. I sent my first payment in but forgot it had to be for $43 and sent $25. A week later I sent in a check for $18, cool, I'm caught up. I got a reminder letter today for my July 25th payment. I called and found out that because I sent in the first check so soon, it wasn't applied to my installment plan, but the balance itself. So the system hasn't seen a payment for $25, only $18, and it doesn't recognize partial payments. The woman told me that the computer system is REALLY old, and there is basically no human verification or review of the records. So I have to make a payment of $7 by the 25th to keep my account current, (and that has to be made at an IRS office because the IRS rep said if I mailed a check now it would never post to the account in the next two weeks) and then the $43 payment in August. Oh so efficient, I love it.

July 08, 2004

July 07, 2004

Do you pee in the shower?????

I was in a car that got rear ended yesterday. We were stopped at a stop light, and WHAM. It was my friend's 15th car accident, all rear endings. I was in the back seat with my friend's 10 month old. It wasn't terribly hard, no major injuries, but more than physical stress, it's really screwed with my chi. Seriously, I've been on the verge of tears since it happened and I'm in a funky haze. I'm just rattled, lethargic. Sure hope I bounce back soon, I'm supposed to fly to Chicago for D's sister's wedding on Friday. Please send happy healing thoughts my way.

July 05, 2004

Vroom Vroom

My Honey's got himself a new classy auto! Now all I need is a scarf and some really large sunglasses.