Pig Pen

So on Sunday I went on a date with my Missed Connection. Notice there is no exclamation point for this date. There were however exclamations galore in my head, like, "My god! How much can one man smoke in a four hour period"?! and "Perhaps I should add the Department of Sanitation's phone number to my speed dial for such emergencies". He was mind blowingly slovenly. He used the top of his book shelf as an ashtray, and you know those mats people put on the floor around the toilet? His was made of pubic hair. After I refused his sexual advances he made sure to tell me it wasn't really in his plan to spend $75 on dinner that night. I'm assuming he wanted me to write him a check or spread my legs. I won't reveal his name directly, but I will say that anyone who's been asked out by one of the door guys for The Hemlock or Cassanova should make sure he's not a chain-smoking film student from Boston!