Found

On 16th Street between Guerrero and Valencia, possibly belonging to  Inmate Barbie or Gangbang Smurf. Currently being used as a pendant for safe keeping.

Look at his face. It's like he KNOWS the two dollar bill is going to be obsolete.  Lincoln on the five looks proud, Hamilton on the ten looks kind of hot, Jackson on the twenty looks content, but poor Jefferson...

I think these Sock Monkey pajamas are having a fun time in the washing machine

Cross your Ts but please don't dot your capital Is

I have to believe this was a conscious, stylistic choice but I do not believe I could ever be convinced of a good enough reason why.

Java Speak

For the love of lattes, there is no X in espresso. It is not the same word used to describe the fast bus across town, overnight rush shipping, 'to state directly', or the national chain of mall-housed clothiers. Esssssssspresso. Let's reserve the X for bone scans, illicit drugs, and people we used to fuck.

It's after 4am...

and just a wild guess, but I don't believe the waitress caught the 'decaf' part of my cappuccino order at dinner tonight. I haven't been up this late since the 90s. So many infomercials.

Mushy Gushy Me

Mr. Fantastic and I went out for our 7 month anniversary and when he picked me up he surprised me with this sweet and happy bouquet. Thank you Mr. Romantic.

A gift from my talented sister

My Eyes Are Burning

I know I've been surfing the Craigslist job listings too long because I'm starting to seriously entertain those egg donor ads.

I'm Afflicted

Thank the Lord there's help.

I don't care HOW proud you are of your astrological symbol, it is NEVER okay to have crabs on underwear!

Priorities

Most people around me are nervous about the fate of their employment with the merger of Wells Fargo and Wachovia, but I what I want to know is, 'Will the new marketing manager will let us wear jeans on Fridays?'

Nature is so divine

FANTASICAL

I was out at Norton's Vault for a co-worker's going away. I was really going to miss this person. I drank a bit of scotch. I was introduced to a man whose name I had seen on paperwork around the office but hadn't actually met. Recently I was reminded of that exchange.

Co-worker professionally: "Hi I'm Mr. Wee."

Me as if I've known him forever: "Heeeyyyyyyyy, I see your name on dockets all the tiiiiime, your name is onomatopoeia!"

Co-worker as if I hadn't spoken English: "I'm sorry?"

Me as if I'm a one woman foley department: "You know, when words are spelled like they sound, like POP! BANG! BOOOIIINNNG! Yours is WEEEEEEEEEEE! It's fun!"

Co-worker completely unamused: "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Last year I discovered I had a fan base in Sweden. Okay, maybe it was only one reader, but they do read regularly so I'd say they're a fan. I've been exposed to more Swedish cultural gems lately so I must include this in my Swedish top ten. So who's getting bumped? Sorry, Europe but this is your Final Countdown.

People get creative when they're in a bind.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh happy day, we're finally on the right track. The air seems cleaner. The spring is back in my step. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be the execution of a major change to make a shift, only the collective hope, faith, optimism and possibility of what's to come. No doubt this IS, in fact, a major change, but it began with only the suggestion that we aspire to something greater that set it in motion.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a cab driver about the state of the union and he reminded me how great our country really is. And it wasn't in a blindly loyal or superior way that I'm used to hearing. He noted we are the only country who has successfully existed with so many races and cultures blended together for over 200 years; and I agree. It may be slow going but we're continually moving forward and evolving towards equality. The cabbie added for humor that the U.S. even has an organization to save the tadpoles. How great is a nation where people are even supportive of polliwogs!

It just doesn't stop being funny to me

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused, fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.