Several weeks ago I finally admitted to my worry-wart grandma that I had been sick for a while but wasn't sure what is was. She said, "You know it could be that change". "What change"?, I asked, but knowing full well what she was getting at. "That change of life" she explained. Leave it to my cute little grandma to confuse bronchitis-like symtoms in a 32 year-old as menopause.

I'm going to Peru for New Years! I'm going to Peru for New Years!

I got stuck sitting next to the nail biter on Bart this morning. Christ man, here's twenty bucks, it's called a manicure!

Okay, someone tell me there's a weird planetary alignment thing going on because I started my period that day I went in for a root canal (which cost me a good portion of my travel fund), and then I lost my wallet the next day. Guess it can only get better eh?

god DAMN it!

I have to spend $2,000 of my travel fund to a root canal and a crown. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I have the money to get the work done, but it's so hard not to be bitter knowing it's taking away from my world travels.

Time Out

I just had the most amazingly restorative weekend. Apart from a jaunt to the grocery store, I spent three solid days in my house. I fasted which felt great, I cleaned, rearranged, organized, updated, read, napped, and reflected. I got so much done but it still felt like a little vacation. How lucky am I that I am so unencumbered, that I was able to check out for three days without my world falling apart.

So I’ve been a little unsettled lately having found out last weekend that My Ex/My Neighbor has a new girlfriend. Yes it’s been ten months since we broke up, and no I wasn’t even in love with him, but this is the first time I’ve tried to remain friends with someone who I was so intimate with, (not to mention the first time a man has ever gotten to know me so well) and it feels strange thinking of him with someone else. Of course I’m happy for him as my friend, he’s a fantastic guy and it’s great that he’s found someone, but I can’t help but be a little jealous because I’d like to have someone too. And not just anyone. I could have someone if I just wanted someone. Now that I’ve experienced a ‘serious’ relationship, I know that I like it; that I’d like to have it again with the right person.

On the flip side, I just had to tell someone who I’ve been spending time with that I didn’t want to take it to the next level. The look on his face was devastating. This guy was incredible too. He was funny, smart, handsome, thoughtful, a real character. But if there’s no spark, there’s no spark. I’m not going to lead someone on just to have someone to spend time with.

I asked My Ex/My Neighbor what his advice was for me to handle this maturely and be okay with it. If the situation were reversed I can see him being all stoic and polite, he’s not very forthcoming with emotion. He said he didn’t think that he’d be mature and okay with it right away if it were the other way around. That made me feel a little better. And my close friends assure me that my reaction is normal but man it stinks. Thankfully I’m not so insecure that I’m focusing on the new girlfriend specifically. Of course I’m curious about what she looks like and how they met, and if she’s more like me or more like him, but that has more to do with knowing him than feeling threatened or catty. I guess there’s my maturity. I just need to retrain my brain into thinking about him as any other platonic guy friend I have. It’s difficult though, on a day like today, we usually walk to work together on Mondays, and I hear his car pulling in around 7:30 in the morning, so I know as we’re walking to BART that he was just in bed with her. But I don’t want to distance myself so much that it becomes weird and we never recover; he’s a good friend and we have too many mutual friends.

I know from experience it’s just going to take time. I also know from experience that patience is still a mystery to me. Guess there’s no better time to learn.

A co-worker who I joke with constantly make a crack about me not wanting to lift a finger to do any work. I told her I had a finger that would be no problem to lift at all! Good times.

It is such a mind fuck when your face feels swollen from novocaine but when you see yourself in the mirror you look normal.

I talked to my little brother last night! First time in three months. He didn't want to talk at first, but when I told him to give the phone to our sister, theeeeeeen he wanted to chat. He was about to go see the Herbie movie and he was pretty excited. He had just seen a 3-D movie and claimed it was 'awesome'. He's having an okay summer, I sure wish I could nab him and let him stay with me until September. I told him to draw me a picture or write me a letter to give to our brother so he can give it to me when he comes to visit next week so hopefully he'll feel like it. Man I hope I don't have to go three more months again.

What am I 16?

I got drunk and sang karaoke at an office party last night. Need I say more? Ahhhh yes, there's more. How about the fact that the party was actually held in the office, and I don't remember leaving, or how I got home from the Bart station. And I've saved the best for last; I got sick on Bart and had to puke in my backpack. I'm sure I was soooooo discreet.

It figures on a day at work when I'm going to be busy non-stop, and trying to time manage down to the minute, that a co-woker would bring in a bouquet of the one flower I freaking allergic to. Yes, a headache is exactly what I needed to complete my day.

"If we want to be the best, we have to have the best. Missy's the poo. So take a big whiff"
- Torrance Shipman in Bring It On

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Days like today, I swear to God a hysterectomy sounds like a fucking dream. Last month my period was a week late so I wound up with two weeks of PMS, and now this month I've got symptoms over a week early. I hope like hell Aunt Flow comes early because I won't have any friends left if I have to fell this hormone surge much longer. My boobs are so sore, they ache when I'm sitting still! And I don't have jugs people, ta-tas at best! The world is sandpaper and I'm going to SCREAM!!!!!!

Reese Squared

Yesterday I had lunch with Reese Williams. No, I didn't sit in a cafe all by myself, I actually met another Reese Williams. He's a he, and he lives in Hawaii. He emailed me last year when he tried to buy the domain reesewilliams.com and found my site. We've corresponded sporatically since, and while he's in town for a few weeks we decided to finally get together. He seems like a great guy, and now I'm cool enough to have a friend with the same name!

Va Bene!

I started my new Italian class last night and it rocks! Only 10 students in the class and my teacher is hilarious. Plus I'm taking it with a friend so I have a built in study buddy. Augurimi la fortuna!

Don't look down, don't look down!

So I went to Harbin Hot Springs for the first time last weekend. Uhhhh, okay. The setting is beautiful, and while I love the idea of an Earth loving, all-natural hippie commune, the reality of it was crunchier than stale Grape-Nuts. I enjoyed myself much more when I just wandered about through trails alone and napped at our campsite; I didn't much dig the pool areas. I'm not a prude and I'm not modest, but the number of foreign peni was overwhelming. One of the hot tubs was so overcrowded and luke warm that I dubbed it 'People Soup'. I just don't trust a hot tub that's not hot enough to kill everything if you know what I mean. I was also faced with a sight that I've trying my whole life to avoid; red pubic hair. I can't explain it but men with red hair have always made me feel a little unsettled and the idea of seeing their private region was more than I cold bear, but Sunday afternoon a red head was bearing all at the cafe and I came face to groin with his burning bush. Cripes, orange pubes, ick! Over all it was nice to be in the woods, play in the creek and spend two days with good friends.

Hell if I know!

I have a friend coming to visit in a couple of weeks and we're going to a Giant's game. Last night on the phone she asked who the Giant's would be playing and I said I thought I remembered from the online schedule that it was the Kansas City Chiefs. I'm sure you already know that it would probably be pretty difficult for a football team to compete against a baseball team.

Good Times

Here are some photos from Friday night, a friend's birthday celebration at Medjool. This place is so slinky and hip, I love it. And the food was stellar, I can't wait to go back!

Shut Up! Shutup Shutup Shutup Shutup Shutup SHUT UP!!!

I just realized what exactly it is about cell phones that make me want to kick users in the shin real hard. First, here are a few reasons I was already fed-up with public yammering.

Could it be any ruder to continue your conversation with Cathy Babbles-a-Lot on the phone even while interacting with friendly counter people? We complain that customer service has gone down the crapper and then we show so little respect to those serving us, we don't even give them our full attention for less than five minutes. No one wants to hear about your boring day of endless meetings because, you just said it, THEY'RE BORING, and if they're boring to sit through, that's right Einstein, it's even worse hearing about them involuntarily!

And how fucking dangerous is it giving the person blabbering in your ear about what's-his-name more attention than cars and pedestrians on the road while driving? I can't count the number of times a car has rolled into a crosswalk, swerved into my lane or just blown through and intersection all together, and as I pass I see there's a shitty piece of plastic infused to their goddamn heads. And don't even try to tell me ear buds make a difference. If your attention is on the conversation, it's not on the road.

And finally, if I have to be audibly bullied by your gossipy conversations while confined on a bus or BART, I just wish I could hear BOTH sides of the conversation. Who? Who? Who did they catch her with in the laundry room with? And what is he keeping from her until after their vacation? Inquiring minds want to know! At least with a couple of loud talkers you can pass the time by eavesdropping.

But it dawned on me today what the real irritation is for me; that people are filling the air with their hollow words and generating useless energy. I know that thought alone is a powerful thing and people are emanating an energy whether they're shouting about tonight's dinner plans or not, but sound carries and resonates, and most conversations I hear could SURELY wait until they got their asses home. And yes, it's a given that when you're in public you subject yourself to the myriad of lives converging in close proximity, but at least before people thought they couldn't spend a single minute alone with themselves and decided to use every spare moment chatting idly about absofuckinglutely NOTHING, you could walk down the street with your own thoughts, observing, embracing or rejecting the kaleidoscope of energy swirling around in close proximity.

Now I'm just forced to listen to, "Well I want to talk to you about something else as well but I'm not really comfortable discussing it on a crowded bus", hee-hee-hee laugh, giggle, snicker. No, no, no, don't hang-up now! You're just getting to the good stuff. I just had to sit through fifteen minutes of little Billy's throw up incident, and how great you though Blade 3 was. Please, please, please at least carry on about something that will satisfy my impertinent little mind. Although impertinent is highly debatable when someone is screeching about their dope new, car-stealing, prostitute-killing video game at the top of their lungs in a 30 square foot space.

And I don't feel hypocritical at all admitting that I am a cell phone owner. I have no objection to the concept at all. I have mine for emergencies, coordinating rendezvous, my lonely grandma in Illinois, and the painfully rare possibility that I might get the chance to talk to my nine year-old brother who lives in Virginia. The most you'll hear from me is a hushed, "I'm out of the tunnel, pick me up at BART", or a non-intrusive, "I'll call you back in a minute, I love you Grandma". But most usage I encounter appears to be a pathetic crutch. I mean, it's not like it can be a status symbol anymore, everyone has one. Hang-up and listen to the birds. Listen to the rhythm of traffic. Smile at passers-by. Slow down and absorb your surroundings or get lost in thought. But stop bumping into people because you’re so engrossed in a selfish monologue. Just shut UP already!

Place your bets!

I swear my body chemistry is a Crap shoot. Some nights I can drink enough to kill a small child and still act like I have some sense, and other nights, yes, like last night, I have one drink and I'm pawing everyone like the town whore. I don't mind being a bit giddy and flirty, but I was slurring and losing my balance for Christ's sake.

I started off at a small Cinco de Mayo house party with my friend Melody where we ate killer tacos and wacked a pinata. Then I headed over to Levende Lounge where I was a Dance-a-thoner at a fundraiser for Room to Read. Rumor has it we raised $10,000! That's going to send four girls to school from kindergarten through high school.

Doing Good Feels Good! Bending over when you have a hang-over does not feel good.