July 18, 2008

I was just cleaning up all of my 'draft' posts and found this one from a couple of years ago. Late but still publish worthy!

I realize that this is a very bold declaration, claiming to be the recipient of the worst pick-up line ever uttered. I am absolutely certain that it is the worst come on I have ever heard myself, and he's had some pretty stiff competition. I spent my early twenties on the club scene of southern Virginia with five military bases within a 30 mile radius and and a questionable literacy rate, and this still beats them all. Lame, cheesy, inappropriate, even indecipherable, but nothing I've every heard compares to the absurdity of what this person asked. So here goes. After about 10 minutes of chatting with this guy and his female "friend from work' who was supposedly married to someone else but suspiciously affectionate with this guy, she excused herself to the ladies room. He leaned in and asked, "So Reese, what would you say if I wanted to do things to you that would make your pussy hurt"? So basically he threatened my vagina. But he wasn't being malicious at all. In some twisted dysfunction rationale, he actually thought that this would sound intriguing. So without batting an eye I replied "Let me make it very, VERY clear that I am in no way shape or form interested in your offer. But I have to ask you, sociologically, what in the WORLD would make you think it was okay to say that to me"? He explained that he likes to live life by his own rules, and I seemed so upbeat and open that he got the impression I would be okay with it. I told him he needed to work on his perception skills, and in the future to never, ever, EVER use the words hurt and pussy in the same sentence EVER again!


Anonymous said...

hey reese/girl who's trust i abused-
that was some fun on that dance floor, more fun than i was expecting to have tonight... sorry to hear about the guy that sexually harassed you via horrible-pick-up-line, i guess he thought he was being a romantic. not very romantic if you ask me... hope to talk to you soon


Anonymous said...

Well that wouldn't have been my first thought, at all! Excellent reply however.... I wonder who the delusional female co-worker fares....
-Dom guy flight 1593