March 24, 2003

Therapy Review

Today Lucy and I chatted about the evolution of friendships and how each relationship serves an outlet for our many facets. I'm not just a kind of person. I am a leader, a student, a performer, a pillar, a diplomat, an acquaintance, a muse. For the most part I wasn't comfortable being all parts of myself (the good, the bad and the ugly) with people until just four years ago. This is still unchartered territory, discovering new ways that I express myself with every new relationship. I'm also facing mixed emotions about distancing myself from friendships that have time invested, but aren't healthy, and others phasing me out of their lives. I'm taking a break from a friend of almost two decades because I no longer feel that this person enriches my life in a positive way. To this person I feel like I am an ear, a cheerleader, a last resort. I have fond memories, but I need space to see what qualities I miss, if any. Another friend has gradually stopped inviting to do things, and our conversations get progressively more awkward. a is to b what b is to c. I've recently made a friend who evokes yet another dimension of Reese, and I'm intrigued by this one. It's calmer; less showy. Without my typical antics I feel exposed. As with any unfamiliar situation, my first instinct is to go back to what's comfortable. Vulnerability is my biggest challenge. I accept.

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