"I Kissed a Girl"
-Jill Sobule

I've said it once and I will say it again, I am a creature of extremes and yesterday was prime. If my day yesterday were a movie it would have started out Disney and ended soft porn. If it were an album, it would have started Raffi's 'Singable Songs' and ended Lords of Acid's 'Lust'.
I got up early and finished a few batches of baby soap party favors (9lbs of glycerin I re-molded into cute parting gifts, yeah I'm crafty) and ventured out to Pacifica for a fantastic day of silly games, even sillier prizes including a vegetable votive and a bank in the form of a baby bent over and the coins go 'you know where'. I wrestled with kids, ogled over wee babies, ate super sweet shower cake, and had a great time sharing a wonderful afternoon with my friends. I knew I was going to Ozzfest after the G rated festivities, but I was convinced it would be low key. It was Sunday and I have to work the next day, I'm not a headbanger as I used to be, I haven't moshed in years, totally had it in my head I would enjoy the show for sure, but in an adult fashion, not an adult film fashion!
So my savant friend picks me up, getting lost on the way as he ALWAYS does, and we head South for Mountainview. We're gabbing and jumping up and down at the prospect of going backstage when I realize we're in San Jose already. Now I'm great with directions, I was just at Shoreline last week, I know how to get there. He managed to get us lost even with my navigating, he's contagious. I urged him to find out how to get back on track because although he didn't know it yet, Tommy Lee was waiting for me. We get down there, pick up our complimentary tickets and VIP passes at will call (THANK YOU ARTICLE344) and found our primo seats in time to catch System of a Down. It's been a really long time since I've been surrounded by bikers and goth folk. There was this 10 year-old in from of us who got so high his eyes weren't even open and he actually started drooling. He remained standing, and continued to take a hit every time the pipe was passed, but jeesh, how much fun is that? There were 5 cute frat boys to my left, and a VIP box of bikers behind us. After a brief stage change, the Prince of Darkness himself took the stage. One of the bikers occasionally grabbed our shoulders in excitement, and one of the biker chicks insisted on taking our earplugs out. The other biker chic was hot! Big blue eyes, black curly hair, and perfect white teeth. She was super clean, and I feel the need to include that when referring to a biker chick because stereotypes are for a reason. She had on a little black tank and blue jeans with this cute Harley belt buckle with orange rhinestones. So I'm dancing with my friend and one of the frat boys when "I don't want to change the world" comes on, one of my fav Ozzy tracks. I jumped up on the arm rests of my seat and danced like a lunatic. The hot chick grabbed my hips and shook along with me. Understandable, my ass was in her face. Then she starts running her hands around to my stomach, okay that's saucy, no problem. Next I felt her fingers trying to grab my boobs! That was a bit much for me. So I spent most of Ozzy's wiggling on the arm rests, a hot chick groping my ass with her husband behind her enjoying 'the show', and an eager little frat boy in front of me holding my knee so as to be a part of the action without being too forward. As the bikers were leaving the chick leans in for a little kiss (you know how girls are after meeting and getting along, and groping each other) and then she plants one on me. I couldn't resist, she was a doll baby. Women's mouths are smaller and softer, it was very nice actually. I'm not ready to jump the fence, or even stand on it, but it's nice to peek through the slats every now and again.
No one cool hangs out backstage, so no celebrity sitings to report. I woke up this morning with a ringing in my ears, a stiff neck, sore legs, a barf soaked shirt balled on the floor (note: not my vomit) and a big ol' smile on my face!

My favorite thing today: I kissed a girl!