Last month Bri came out from Phoenix to see Breakfast at Tiffany's in Union Square. I told her that San Franciscans are known for their flair and love of costumes, so we dressed up Audrey style and camped out in comfy chairs with champagne and snacks. We ended up being the only people dressed up (so disappointed in the queens of SF) but we had a blast and Bri got to see her favorite movie on the big screen.

Made ya laugh

Go see Little Miss Sunshine right now!

Factoids

Every so often a co-worker and I post random facts about ourselves on our cubicles. Here are my latest.

Particular color combinations evoke an adverse physical reaction within me
I am allergic to my own sweat
When I chew gum, I separate it into two pieces and chew one on each side
I grew four inches in just over a year right after high school
I have two brothers named David
I suffer from coulrophobia
I am obsessed with things that glow

Terms of Endearment

My Current Nicknames

Queen Reese
Reesey
Reesey Poo
R dub
Reeser
Reester
Reesling
Reeslet
Miss Reese
Risza
Reesa
Mrs McReese
Reese-a-Roni
Piglet
Poopy Jr

Pig Pen

So on Sunday I went on a date with my Missed Connection. Notice there is no exclamation point for this date. There were however exclamations galore in my head, like, "My god! How much can one man smoke in a four hour period"?! and "Perhaps I should add the Department of Sanitation's phone number to my speed dial for such emergencies". He was mind blowingly slovenly. He used the top of his book shelf as an ashtray, and you know those mats people put on the floor around the toilet? His was made of pubic hair. After I refused his sexual advances he made sure to tell me it wasn't really in his plan to spend $75 on dinner that night. I'm assuming he wanted me to write him a check or spread my legs. I won't reveal his name directly, but I will say that anyone who's been asked out by one of the door guys for The Hemlock or Cassanova should make sure he's not a chain-smoking film student from Boston!

At long last; the Japan report

Let me start by saying, I was drunk at least once a day for 21 days. The Japanese like their hooch. And they enjoy the good stuff like soju and sake which for me, doesn't usually result in over drunkenness or hangovers. So essentially, it's an alcoholic's paradise. See for yourself.
The very first night my friend's parents took us out to dinner. Everyone was understandably worried whether or not I would enjoy Japanese cuisine. I mentioned that I like sushi, and before I knew it, one of the cute little silver fish in the tank next to us was on our table sashimi style. The head was on the plate. His mouth was still opening and closing. The tail kept moving.
Japanese television is hysterical. Sumo wrestling matches, home shopping channels, soap operas and lots of variety shows. You'll turn on what you think is a game show, and the next minute they’re reviewing food; and before it's all over you'll see a musical number, pet tricks, and an infomercial for this. Most of the commercials are for beer, green tea or mobile phones, and contain an adorable animated animal. My favorite is an ad for...hell I don't know, where these three little koalas come out and do a groovy ass-shakin' dance, and proceed to remove their noses which they then use at mobile phones. I finally just got the link to them and I found out the commerical is for car insurance.
Here’s a snippet of funny tv. Late night tv provides the Japanese with a show on learning English. One night we found the show taking place in an office setting teaching the phrases, “I’m fed up”. And “Do it yourself”. Leave it to us to kill the sweet obliging nature of the far East.
When you enter stores and restaurants in Japan you’re greeted by employees calling out, “Irrasshaimase” (pronounce Irra-sha-ma-say). It can also be used when trying to lure people into establishments. To hear what it sounds like when you’re in a mall and within earshot of about eight different shops shouting the greeting, who are also blasting varying hyper-techno music, click here.
Customer Service in Japan is heavenly. We were in the train station one day and accidentally purchased tickets when we already had a Japan Rail Pass. We asked a ticket taker if there was anything we could do, and she suggested pressing the call button on the ticket machine; she said someone would be over to help us. So we pressed the button and kept an eye out for someone who would be walking over to help us, when a woman popped out of a panel in the wall surrounding the ticket machine. “Nobody sees the wizard! Not nobody not no how”! In less than a minute we had cash back for our blunder. Later when we were on the train and I was using the toilet, I saw a call button next to the sink. I cracked myself up imagining where the toilet service rep might pop out of! And speaking of toilets…
Japanese bathrooms were an experience all their own. The first unique feature I found was a button and speaker on the stall wall, similar to an intercom, and when the button is pushed it emits the sound of running water so others can’t hear…well, so all others can hear is running water. Other facilities were much more elaborate. An arm rest attached to the toilet with options of sound, scent, and varying degrees of bidet. The one time I was adventurous enough to meddle with the bidet feature was a scene out of The Three Stooges. The instant the stream made contact, it tickled so badly that I leapt off the bowl and water saturated my pants, splashed against the stall door and left a telling puddle on the floor.
We went out one night to a Tokyo fashion/fetish show. We certainly didn’t see anything that would shock anyone who’s been living in San Francisco for seven years, but it was interesting seeing the Japanese take on it. Everything was very cutesy. The outfits, the décor, and even when two girls dripped hot wax on each other on stage, the one on the receiving end was nodding and giggling rather than moaning or acting erotic. The scene was a great mix of jovial Europeans and Japanese, and the music kept me wiggling. Several Japanese men wanted their picture taken with me (being a round eye and all) and one gentleman told me, “Japan and America best friends. I want American wife. You are very beautiful”. If only American men were so direct.
We stumbled upon the most adorable café in the world, (okay the cutest I’ve seen on four continents) in Harajuku. It’s in the basement of an unassuming office building, sharing the floor with a dingy Chinese restaurant. It’s very tiny, seating about 12-15, warmly lit, with shelves floor to ceiling filled with children’s books. The tableware was vintage American so it was more than peculiar to be 10,000 miles away from home, in a subterranean Japanese café, only to be drinking tea from a U.S. Navy issued mug that I had used as a child that my dad swiped off his submarine.
We rode the Shinkansen down the coast to Kyoto and Hiroshima. One night we stayed a night at a hot springs resort in Izu that was surreal. Waterfalls, 28 natural hot springs (two in caves) and a warm lap pool, all set in the lush green forest next to a creek. On the night of a famous festival we took a night time stroll to a waterfall guided by paper lanterns. It was haunting and romantic in the most beautiful way.
I had one of the most fascinating conversations I’ve ever had in my life with my friend’s mother regarding Japanese sounds. Animal sounds, weather sounds, motion sounds and for the Japanese, even adjective sounds. Since I live to communicate I found it revelatory! Here are a few examples:
pig : bu-bu (boo-boo)
dog : wan wan ( one one )
something slippery : tsuru tsuru(tsulu tsulu)
something sparkly : kila kila
rain ( hard) : zaa zaa
rain ( little ) : shito shito
sunny : san san
wind ( strong ) : byu byu ( view view )
wind ( weak ) : soyo soyo

Here are some of my favorite general words/phrases I learned while I was there:
sugoi-wow

samui-cold

atsui-hot

chotto-little

ooki-big

onaka suita-i'm hungry

onaka nemui-i'm tired

kawaii-cute

kowaii-scary (very distinct pronunciation from kawaii, and makes people giggle when you use the wrong one when trying to compliment a newborn baby)

oishii-tastes good

okashi-funny

utskushi-beautiful

honto-really?

ne-added to the end of a word for emphasis like when it's 100 degrees you say "atsui ne" which is roughly "It's hot as hell right"?

watashi mo-me too

amai-sweet

konpeki-perfect

kusai-stinky

diskii-i really like it

chotto baka-a little stupid

jodan-just kidding

demo-but

daego bu-i'm okay

The Japanese culture as a whole is orderly, polite, creative and comical. I find most people to be friendly when I travel, and the Japanese add pride, integrity and humor that I felt really close to. And of course, my friend’s family and friends: her parents were thoughtful and nurturing, and her sister, a new mother to precious a baby boy, was a delight. Her friends were comfortable and very entertaining. I’m hoping to venture to Nihon again in the fall to experience the colors, smells and tastes of another season there. Thank you again Ayano and Chris for your generosity and making this amazing experience possible.

I hope my brother never wins an Oscar

His acceptance speech, while witty, could be quite incriminating. He posted a myspace bulletin thanking everyone for wishing him a Happy Birthday and this was his message to me:
To Reese,
You know you're important when your sister gets hit by a car, has a root canal, goes to work, gabs all night with old friends, then puts you on hold to try to get a piece of ass! Wait, there was a point there somewhere.

I sooooo look like I'm up to no good

Take it from the bridge

I actually had this requested of me for the first time last weekend. I recorded my voice over demo in LA and I was somehow brave enough to include a snippet of 'song style vocals'. I wrote parody lyrics to "My Favorite Things". It went a little somethin' like this:

New shoes and ice cream and yard sales and cocktails
Long baths and handbags and good times with gal pals
Men who will bow as I walk down the street
These are a few of my favorite things.
When my job sucks
When my date's late
When I break a nail
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel insane.

You know you're in the Bay Area

when you see a bumper sticker that reads 'Home Sweet Homebirth'.

I love the community that is Craigslist. I really do. Monday I was on the bus on my way to class, and I sat across from a really cute boy. I felt myself turn red and I had to hold back the giggles. I tried not to stare, but the glancing was uncontrollable. I stepped off the bus with my friend and I mocked fanning myself, exclaiming he was a hottie. I then turned red again when I noticed the bus hadn't pulled away. He caught my gesture and was laughing at me. Okay with me. I went to Craigslist the next day to post a Missed Connection, but there was already one there for me! We chatted briefly Tuesday night and we’re going to meet up this weekend. Could it be…My first date in almost five months?!!

All in one day

I learned that I should not assume the following: that my co-worker has the perfect marriage, that a friend of mine would never accept a happy ending to her massage at an upscale day spa, and that a co-worker who has been a lesbian for 30 years would ever never be diggin' the dick again.

We've All Made Mistakes

Ahhhhhh, puberty.



Did I ever mention I dated a Mofia head?



I didn't have the quintessential horror of a prom dress. However it WAS horrifying when my date's ex of four years arrived in the same dress.



I got at least 4 inches with this baby.

Johnny Knoxville and George Clooney have the same sexy voice. Just thought I'd share.

I don't know what was more shocking: hearing E.U.'s "Doin' da butt" in 2006 or the girl singing it referring to me as that 'lady' when she heard me laughing out loud. I still feel 12, how can I be seen as a 'lady'?

Spying on Humanity

Friday August 11th - 8:30am - Montgomery Bart station platform

I observed a man in his late thirties, appeared to be Latin, wearing brown slacks, a striped button down shirt and sunglasses. He slightly resembled Johnny Depp. He had a goatee that was split in two and braided with two white beads on the ends.
I could use this look on stage when trying to portray a dressed down Jack Sparrow.

Spying on Humanity

Thursday August 3rd - 9:30am - Montgomery Bart station platform

A fifty-something man with long gray hair tied back in a ponytail reaches around, grabs his ponytail, puts the bottom three or four inches in his mouth, and munches on it with his lips covering his teeth. For a very long time.
I could use these characteristics on stage when playing someone with no couth.

Observations

In my high school drama class, our teacher would assign weekly observations. We'd stand in front of the class and state who/what/when/where we observed a person doing something noteworthy, and how we would use those characteristics on stage. I'm bringing observations back. They'll be called Spying on Humanity.

This may be old, but it's new to me.

Arguing on the internet is like the Special Olympics; you might win but you're still retarded.