For years now, whenever I see window washers dangling precariously from the side of a building, I take a moment to ask if one of them may be kind enough to take me up with them to get a bird’s eye view. Obviously they always say no because of liability reasons, but I’m a determined woman(or maybe just delusional). Wednesday night, some friends and I were walking down Montgomery Street and I was marveling at a crew way up high using a spot light to guide their way and I exclaimed "Man, I want to go up there sometime!"

Two blocks further there was a building covered in scaffolding, and two men in safety vests were hanging out on the corner with an English Bulldog in his own cute little safety vest. We stopped to pet the dog, I asked if there was a construction elevator in place, and before I knew it, after nearly a decade of rejection, a kind and crazy Operational Engineer escorted me and my friend 35 stories high into the San Francisco night.

It wasn’t one of those rickety little platforms but an orange cage elevator that hangs off the edge of the building between scaffolding. At ten stories my knees buckled, and at twenty I thought I was going to pee myself, but once at the top my fear was replaced with pure exhilaration; of the view, of finally being able to say I did it! The view of downtown and bay was magical, and being suspended 350 feet over Sutter Street filled me with absolute joy (although I believe the technical term is adrenal delirium.)

Seriously, when you want something, don't stop asking.

I know, it's crazy, where have I been????

Just so you know, a hair flat iron can be used on clothing when you're in a pinch!

My little bro The Jock

That's Me!

Mr.T recently expanded his drink menu to include cocktails and as an incredibly romantic gesture he named a yummy soju drink after yours truly. Stop by and quench your thirst!

And it's good to be back indeed.

It's gotten COLD here, there is certainly NO Fall. Just went from tank tops with skirts and flip flops to a camisole, long-sleeve tee, cashmere sweater and sweatshirt with jacket, scarf and boots in a matter of a week. Good news is I haven't been bombarded with with zanzare in a while!

I'm in love

Mutually, hopelessly, solid as a rock in love. Mr.T told me loved me last last week and my feet haven't touched the ground since. I've been wanting to say it myself for a while now, but I haven't told a man I love him in about 12 years so understandably I was a little shy. It's truly amazing to finally feel so secure with someone that I can share my excitement for them and know it's reciprocated. I feel extremely fortunate to have won the love of such a dynamic man!

A few weeks ago my housemate told me about a weekly free wine tasting at a wine shop in our neighborhood, so a few classmates and I went to check it out. It wasn't as crowded as she suggested, so we had a private little tasting and bonus Italian lesson with Luigi, the shop owner, who is wonderful! All of the wines are on tap and regulars come in to have their empty bottles filled for about 2 euro. When we gasped at how inexpensive it was Luigi matter of factly explained that wine is like air and water to the Italians, it's required for living. So there; I'm not a wino, it's in my blood!

When I first arrived in Florence I posted that I had eaten the best panino ever, and while I still feel like it was a superior delectability, the title of 'Sandwich So Good It'll Make You Want to Cry' must be awarded to I Fratellini. I've eaten there so much in the last two weeks that when I arrived yesterday and announced "Il numero quindici con bicchiere di vino" the cashier replied with a grin, "Si, Si, Si, the usual, and I get to choose di vino". The number 15 is tender, savory salami, soft and tangy goat cheese and sweet fennel served on perfectly warm, crunchy on the outside, tender on the inside bread; it's that simple. The small glass of wine is just enough to compliment the sandwich and make my art lecture afterwards a little more interesting and it's turned me on to some lovely new labels. Seating is the sidewalk and the whole experience costs me less than 5 euro. Molto Buono!

I did something!

Weekend before last I went to Southern Italy. My home base was Sorrento and from there I spent a day on Capri, a day in Positano and a day in Naples. I roomed with a really sweet gal from Texas who was also travelling solo so we teamed up and had a blast. The water around Capri was the bluest I've ever seen in my life. We were able to swim through caves and later I paid the outrageous 9 euro fee to go into the famous Blue Grotto and it was so worth it! Positano was really cute and even though it rained all day we still sat on the beach under our umbrellas and drank a beer! Naples...it was too dirty for me. Heaps of garbage everywhere and the men were uncomfortably aggressive. But, we did enjoy the tastiest pizza in the universe there and even got one to go to eat on the bus ride back to Florence. You can check out pix here.

Two very close friends of mine have experienced unexpected deaths in their families in the last two weeks. One her mother, the other her brother. I wish I was closer to give them the kind of support I would like. I never know what to say in times of grief, I feel like everything I can think of sounds cliché and trite. I know when I've needed support the gesture and sentiment was what mattered, so I'm certain my friends know how deeply sorry I am that they have to feel such a loss, and I love them very much. Blessed Be to you both.

Okay, Okay, I'll take one for the team and go check this out. Thankfully I'll be on a chartered bus for the ride home so I can safely slip into a hypoglycemic coma. Looks worth it to me!

Let me elaborate...

So I have many tales of woe about this little adventure o' mine, but I'm trying very hard to keep bitching to a minimum. But I need to respond to a comment I received about my last post. I brought a camera to Italy. As a matter of fact my super sweet rommies gave me a brand spanking new Fuji A800 the night before I left, and it was working just fine, but when I took it out on the plane to play with it, the display was broken. I have no idea what happened. I'm sending it back to my friends so they can exchange it, but unfortunately they can't mail me a new one because the customs fees would cost about 500 euros or 750 dollars! I'm on a strict student budget at the moment but I'm hoping that my honey will be able to bring the replacement camera with him when he comes to visit in October. Anywho, it won't kill me to revisit the sites I've seen so far so I can snap some artistic shots. Fingers crossed, I will have an Italia 2007 photo album on my smugmug page before you know it!

and I see my blog template has disappeared. I can do this.

No local friends. No money. No camera. I'm sure I'm supposed to be learning something here.

Yikes! In some areas here each block of the 'same via' can have a different name. It'd be like walking down Powell Street and it would be called Powell Street beween Bush and Sutter, but then Main Street between Sutter and Post, and then maybe Loony Street between Post and Geary. That's it! I'm learning my way around by landmarks!

I just had the most deliciously salty, soft and warm prosciutto and mozzarella panini in the universe while window shopping at Valentino. It was my own little Breakfast at Tiffany's moment.

Real Mature

So I'm the old person in my group of students from CCSF. There are about 15 of us and I learned yesterday that most of them aren't even 21 yet! I keep catching myself rolling my eyes when one of them says something incredibly naive or giving the boys stink eye because they won't stop talking when the director is giving us important information. Yesterday during orientation the housing director was reviewing the do's and dont's of student housing and she was very seriously emphasizing that overnight guests are forbidden. She told a story of a girl who was locked out of her own room because her roommate was having a 'private party' in there and the phrase made me laugh out loud. I looked like such a dweeb!

First Impressions

Okay, with the gazillions of pictures I've seen of Florence, I had no idea The David, as well as the Duomo, were so big! I was wandering around looking for a hostel when I stumbled upon The David and I actually got a little choked up when I saw it. I got blurry-eyed when I took in the Duomo as well, it's so magnificent! I've already walked across the Ponte Vecchio while eating gelato and covered enough of the city to have seriously pulled a hammy I think. My living arrangement is perfect, I have a clean little room with a terraza and it's about a 20 minute stroll to school. This morning we had a terrific thunderstorm just as I was leaving the house; I miss those from the East Coast. We've had a few orientations and mixers at school and I'm looking forward to being more sociable when classes start next week. So far so good, just missing my sweetie, friends and family like crazy. Of course I'll post more as I do more. Ciao for now!

It still feels surreal to say or write 'my boyfriend'. At moments it seems impractical beginning an exclusive relationship weeks before I leave the country, and we haven't hashed out all the details about how this will work while we're apart, but I've never been more fulfilled with any other man and so it feels promising knowing that we're building a foundation for what I hope will be an incredible future together.

Perfection

Last Monday my wonderfully thoughtful and romantic boyfriend surprised me with a mini-getaway to The Huntington Hotel . We stayed in the super plush Star Suite overlooking Huntington Park and Grace Cathedral from one side, and down California Street and much of SOMA from the other. This was without a doubt the nicest hotel room I've ever stayed in. It was pretty much a really big one bedroom apartment with amazing room service and a luxury spa. My sweetie arranged for a couples massage for us and a manicure for me, I love the pampering. We went to dinner at Cafe Sociale, and he even brought his favorite bottle of wine (quickly becoming mine as well) that we shared on our first date. I was deliriously happy the entire day and night. The next morning we went to Tartine for breakfast, and promptly returned to the hotel room to nap; life can be hard ya know. Later we joined friends at Fresca for lunch and Pisco Sours and then moseyed over to a bar to enjoy afternoon cocktails on the back deck in the sun. Soooooo yeeeaaah, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

i know this will hurt
but the ride feels so thrilling
stock up on band-aids

A Sweet Gesture

Last week a suitor baked me a delicious peach and raspberry crisp. From scratch. Wooing me with food is pretty much the best angle I can think of. Thank you, Mr. Chef Man.

have i mentioned i'm a bonafide coffee drinker?

After my aspirations of working my way to becoming an authentic Italian a few months back I quickly resumed enjoying the occasional decaf almond latte from Cafe Venue. But when I was in Illinois last month I took my Grammy out to breakfast every morning and every day I asked for a cup of decaf; it just goes well with pigs in a blanket. When I returned and moved in with my friends in Alameda, I started pouring a tiny cup of their Peet's half reg/half decaf blend every morning with breakfast. It gave me just enough focus and motivation without the brain scramble and heart palpitations. Yes, caffeinated fingers on the laptop make for more typos, but that's why God made Spellcheck. It's been five weeks and now I literally roll out of bed and start the coffee machine before I even use the bathroom and I'm up to two cups a morning (still half/half). I tried not drinking any while my housemates are gone for the next week, but I'm miserable. I wake up with a headache, zero drive to get anything done and I miss the aroma. I'm determined to be stronger than this little addiction, so wish me luck and don't give me a hard time if you see me in line at Starbucks!

And I only go on about one date a year because...

A few weeks ago I went to Mendocino for a three-day Vipassana meditation retreat. We practiced noble silence which means no talking, no eye contact and no gestures, you're supposed to focus inward and ignore those around you. We're given a hearty breakfast and lunch, but only tea for dinner. The silence, no eye contact and even restricted diet I can abide by, but I'm much too much of an observer/busybody to tune everyone out, so I happened to notice there were a few cute guys in the men's group. On the last day noble silence was broken they set out snacks and "noble chatter" began. I was scooping some popcorn into my bowl when one of the cuties approached and asked how the popcorn was. This was my reply, "It's great, fiber, just what I need right now". Yeah. I'll give you a minute to let the horror sink in. Why I felt it was vital to let this hottie know that I needed to poo is beyond me. In my defense, I had been without social interaction for three days.

I was in Illinois a few weeks ago, and whenever I'm there I indulge in one of my favorite guilty pleasures-Country music. I used to listen only to Country music in the early 90s so it's fun for me to cruise through middle America listening to songs that take me back in time, and to hear how Country music has progressed as well. One thing I always liked about Country was the slight innocence most love songs conveyed. Well obviously it's been a long time since I've listened on a regular basis. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard a new song from Brad Pailsey(2-3 times an hour I might add) called "Ticks".



Every time you take a sip
In this smoky atmosphere
You press that bottle to your lips
And I wish I was your beer
In the small there of your back
Your jeans are playing peekaboo
I'd like to see the other half of your butterfly tattoo.

Hey that gives me an idea
Let's get out of this bar
Drive out into the country
And find a place to park.

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I'd like to check you for ticks.

I know the perfect little path
Out in these woods I used to hunt
Don't worry babe I've got your back
And I've also got your front
Now, I'd hate to waste a night like this
I'll keep you safe you wait and see
The only thing allowed to crawl all over you when we get there is me.

You know every guy in here tonight
Would like to take you home
But I've got way more class than them
Babe that ain't what I want.

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I'd like to check you for ticks.

You never know where one might be
There's lots of places that are hard to reach
I gotcha.


Whoooooaaaa, easy partner. This ain't a naughty little euphemism that may make me blush, this is downright lewd. Just because you mention moonlight and wildflowers doesn't mean I'm not grossed out.

Personally, I always like to know who's in the kitchen cooking my food.

I'm officially a Californian

2 weeks ago I was having dinner at a really nice Italian restaurant with my family when the table began to shake. I looked around the table visibly alarmed, and in an instant I had horrific thoughts of light fixtures falling on our heads and windows shattering around us. But when I saw the look of confusion on their faces I remembered that we were in Illinois and realized it was just a really big truck that had passed by. I gotta lay off the hooch!

the move

It's a very strange feeling not to have any keys on my key ring except for my handcuff key.(It's come in handy believe you me!) I'm focusing more on the excitement of my upcoming adventure and less on logistics and I feel great. I learned a few things this weekend that are worth sharing:

1) Always hire movers. My weak ass carrying one box at a time down three flights of stairs for three days was not the way to go.

2) The kindness and generosity of a friend in your moment of need will touch you deeper than you ever imagined.

3) I heart spackle. I can always become a hole patcher if my voice acting career doesn't pay off. I love before and afters.

Absolutely lovin' these guys. I really appreciate their super simple and direct lyrics, sometimes I'm annoyed with too many metaphors and cliches. 'Hey there Delilah' and 'Hate (I really don't like you) are my favs so far.

you know i can see you, right?

I am so over people grooming themselves on public transportation. I understand when you have a 30+ minute commute there's the inclination to take advantage of your time trapped in a tube and take care of some business. Brush up on current events, meditate, catch up on email, daydream, get to the next level of Grand Theft Auto, whatever you can do that's silent and solitary. But clipping your nails, cleaning out your ears, flossing or POPPING PIMPLES...these are things that should be left to the privacy of your own home. I'm an extra freak and believe these things should only take place in the bathroom, but as long as I don't have to see it, carry on. Perhaps I can stop people from doing these things by warning that performing some of these activities in a moving vehicle can be dangerous. If the train or bus comes to an abrupt stop you could snip off the tip of your finger with your clippers, or stab your brain while picking your nose. Is it a city 'anything goes' thing? Is it a California 'laid back' thing? In a few months I'll let you now if Florentines lack public couth as well.

On the loose

Last Sunday we did Bay to Breakers as convicts in orange jumpsuits, complete with a jail cell to protect our kegs. The general consensus was that we all got some sick satisfaction yelling faux threats like "Just you wait til I get out"!, and "You better hope I don't catch you in the shower Bitch"! Of course the tone was completely different for us single cons when we spotted a cute guy. We used, "Wanna be my pen pal"?, "Will you wait for me"?, and my personal favorite, "Hey Honey, wanna join me for a conjugal visit"? We did the Jailhouse Rock with the Elvises, wiggled on rooftops and came out covered in various sticky substances which added to our hooscow authenticity.

You can see our mug shots here.

Yessssssssss!

Saturday night I went to see Mitch Fatel at the Punchline in SF. I'm sure he says it to all the girls, but he told me I had a beautiful smile so of course I'm going to boast. I told him he has the warmest smile I've ever seen and it's true. I don't usually get starstruck but men who make me laugh are my weakness, and he just seems so friendly. Listen to me ramble like I have a high school crush. OhMyGod maybe I should have slipped him a note, "Do you like me? Check box yes or no"!

Monday I was in Walgreens with a friend discussing the differences between Mucus Relief and Mucinex, when I felt something graze my arse. I noticed a woman walking past us out of the corner of my eye and assumed that as she was trying to get by an maybe her purse or something brushed my bum. But when it didn't stop I looked down and saw her 10 year-old son's hand rubbing my fanny! My friend said I had one of those 'deer in headlights' looks on my face, then we both started laughing so hard we were crying. He didn't even seem to notice he was doing it! As we walked out I said, "What's even funnier is getting felt up by a 10 year-old in a drugstore is the most action I've gotten in a loooooooong time"!

KILL FEAR AND DOUBT

This is from a friend of mine in LA.This rings especially true for me now as my move date closes in, and I begin to worry about money, lonliness and logistics rather than riding high on the fact that soon I'll be living in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, learning to communicate in a new way, and discovering even more about myself. It will all work out!

A really sweet girl I've been dating for a couple weeks just decided to move to Barcelona (no, it wasn't because of me). She had visited the city before and last weekend just realized it was something she always really wanted to do, so, she's going to do it. Just like that? Yes, just like that.

Many times we come up with all kinds of very reasonable sounding excuses and reasons as to why we shouldn't do certain things we deep-down have always wanted to do. But the truth is, if you really want to do something, "how" is not that important. What's important is to become clear about what you truly, deeply desire in your life and then go after it. All the "hows" will work themselves out, often in ways you could never have planned or imagined. Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before." What's really stopping us from our dreams is ourselves.

The more we stay in our comfort zone, the more fear begins to rule our lives, and the doubts and fears we have grow in power over us. Voices inside our heads (whether from parents, people around us, the media, etc.) tell us all the reasons we can't do what we want to do, can't be who we want to be. But the truth is, those voices are no more valid than the ones that say we can. So, it's up to us to decide what voices we're going to listen to, daily. And you have to be merciless, especially at first. You must kill all fear and doubt. And you also have to cast off their twisted cousin, cynicism. If you hold on to the comfort of cynicism to avoid disappointment and pain, or even worse, to look cool, you're only hurting yourself. So, be careful what voices you listen to, whether on the outside or in your head. Live in the moment daily, and be aware of your thoughts and the stories you're telling yourself. If you change those stories, change those voices, then you will change your life.

I struggle daily with fear and doubt in various areas of my life. But for the last two years I have been changing the stories and voices in my head, and the results have been incredible, not only in the outward manifestation of a different life, but a different level of peace and enjoyment of my life. So, when the idea of doing a solo tour came into my head, just like my friend moving to Barcelona, I just decided to do it. Scheduling it hasn't been effortless, but many doors have opened to make the tour possible. Although there are still some holes in the schedule, I'm more excited than afraid to see how those things will work themselves out. And I keep trying to tip the emotion of fear to excitement instead as I stretch the boundaries of my comfort zone. I just have to keep mercilessly killing fear and doubt, every day. Eventually, I hope their voices will be dim and distant compared to the voices of courage, power and joy. I hope the same for you.

Let Freedom Ring

I love when I'm reminded loud and clear, that when you're true to yourself and make yourself happy, the sweeter life really is!

I just saw my web stats, and Helloooooo to my Swede reader! In your honor here is my Swedish Top Ten:

The Swedish Chef
August Strindberg
Volvo
Swedish Fish
Europe
Ikea including the diner Swedish meatballs served with lingonberries, cream sauce and potatoes
Together
Lotta Jansdotter
ABBA
Popular Music by Vittula by Mikael Niemi

Pearl is one tough lady

Pearl means business!

Sometimes when I see my fish hanging out near the top of his bowl, I get the feeling he's debating whether or not to hurl himself onto the desk.

Oh how, how, how, how, how did I forget the agonizing pain of breaking in a new pair of flip-flops?

Anything is possible

This morning I officially completed burning all of my cds to my laptop. It's taken me months and months of squeezing a handful in here and there, but it's done. Now I have a security blanket to take with me to Florence.

Warm Fuzzy

I spent this weekend at The Crucible taking an introduction to neon class. It was perfectly timed too because it was a lesson in patience and going with the flow. I kept trying to control and bend the glass by force before it was hot enough; ready. I was thinking too far along in the process before really getting the basics down, which obviously are the fundamentals for getting to the finished product, despite seeming over simplified.

With the big move on my mind my main concern at the moment is financing it. I feel like I need to have all the money I'm going to need for the next twelve months in the bank before I go. This mind set has been the cause of a few private mini-meltdowns and one big public one. Thank goodness I have supportive and understanding co-workers! And while I do have tuition deadlines in the next eight to ten weeks, and I need to be prepared for not being able to work legally while I'm in school, I need to take a step back and allow things to fall into place naturally. I'm going to swallow my pride and ask to borrow money, I'm going to sell as much useless household stuff as I can, and make myself open to abundance.

it's what i do!

I just received my first check for voice over work. 100 smackers for 25 minutes work. This should become the norm if I do say so myself!

Whining pays

So last night I took the time to put on paper how much chasing my dream is really going to cost me. My first reaction was panic but I quickly took a step back and decided not to worry about something that in't an issue yet. Most of the time nothing is worth freaking about anyway, but I was proud of myself for nipping any ill feelings in the bud and deciding to find a solution. I went into work this morning and expressed my ' financial concerns' to a co-worker who suggested prosper.com. It's person to person lending and borrowing where the borrower states their terms and lenders put money into their account. I'm still pursuing student loans and such but I love seeing evidence of the better I handle a situation, the better the situation becomes!

The thing that bugs me about so many romance movies (besides the disgusting do-see-do of a-list celebrities) is that they make it appear as though the couple is desperately in love after like, a glance, or reaching for the same apple. Next we'll see a steamy bedroom scene and we're supposed to accept superficial lust for deep, passionate love by which either would combat government interference, disease, social hierarchy, or time travel just to be with the other. BULL! I just watched Prime with Uma Thurman and Bryan Greenberg and it was great because it showed them spending quality time together. I completely understood why they wanted to be together and make it work despite the obstacles. There was walking in the park, sweet gestures, acting goofy, witty banter, the good stuff. Quality time is essential. BELIEVE ME. If you skip the getting to know you and go directly into hopelessly devoted, I gotta tell ya, not so satisfying. Of course we know that, but we can get so anxious to get what we want that we ignore the reality and wind up feeling worse because the current is so wrong. Patience grasshopper. So now I'm on the hunt for truly romantic films, that may not have that sweeping, 'reunited and it feels so good kiss', but the relationships are based on fundamental compatibilities and genuine affection. Who's with me?!

How is it that time makes us so goddamned nostalgic for things that at the time made us borderline miserable. I just watched a movie with a key scene at Love Parade in Berlin, and when I was there in 2003 the reality reeked of piss and booze, was disorientingly chaotic, and overall juvenile. But I got almost weepy remembering a few special moments, like leading my boyfriend at the time around by the hand because he had just eaten his first pot brownie and was too high to know which end was up. And stopping at a booth to get an airbrush tattoo, picking something fierce and wicked, only to find out later there was mix up and I wound up with a tiny wimpy daisy! The city was turned upside down and it was a bitch to get around anywhere, and when we finally made it home to the artist commune we lived in, the building was partying full blast, inside and out. But we watched a couple of episodes of The Family Guy, made nice hubba hubba, and snuggled until we fell asleep. Guess it was all about love after all.

I was in a LearnIt class all week and yesterday the girl sitting in from of me was on Wikipedia looking up perinium. Perhaps she's a med student. Yeah, that's it.

Why do I torture myself?!

My latest daydream

A New Discovery

A couple of weekends ago one of my suitors and I went up to Sebastopol for quick little getaway. Saturday night we had a delicious sushi dinner at Deep with friends and then Sunday morning we headed up to the Russian River area. We stayed at this funny little B&B that was decorated in an Avalon theme. Our room was the perfect balance of luxury amenities and make-believe kitsch. The innkeepers were very sweet and the breakfast was perfection.

Sunday afternoon we went for a hike in Armstrong woods. It was chilly, but so nice to be out in nature. We watched the sunset from a cemetery with peculiar little headstones perched on a hill, and later had dinner at The Underwood in Graton and it was spectacular. Monday we stopped at an abandoned amusement park that we had passed a couple of times so I could get some shots. Just as I was finishing up an old man with white hair and a long beard came from nowhere and started approaching the car. He had a vacant look on his face and his posture was super creepy. I scrambled back into the car and sped away, when a huge dog started barking and chasing us; I felt like we were in a horror flick! We drove out to Goat Rock Beach where a friend said we could see the elephant seals, but none were out. It was incredibly windy, and I jumped around the sand dunes and pretended I was snowboarding. We made a final stop to this little bakery everyone recommended, Wild Flour. I ordered a pumpkin scone with dates and a cinnamon roll. The roll must have weighed a half a pound, it was hilarious and delicious.


I'm not seeing the suitor anymore, but I'll be seeing a lot more of this cute little area that's so easy to get to. Take a peek.

The other day I had a crazy notion that I should build up my caffeine tolerance to avoid Italian stink eye asking for decaf in Florence. So I ordered a slightly caffeinated bevvie and after drinking just half of the half/caf I realized I am a total wuss. I had to eat a couple of tums and I felt like I was coming down from a bad acid trip. Hopefully when I get there I can find a cafe that will cater to my intolerance of their staple substance!

I simply MUST see this before I leave the states!

Seeing people dressed in hospital scrubs smoking. Now that's irony incarnate.

My friend at work saw a picture of me with my 11 year old brother on my desk. Without thinking she asked, "What does he do"? I was laughing hysterically and as she was realizing what she said, I answered, "Oh you know, venture capital, stock and bonds. He's a real mover and shaker".

A Little boost

A friend emailed this to me a long time ago and I read it whenever I feel like I'm at an impasse; with my art, family, friends or relationships. I'm on a roll making plans for my next chapter right now, but I thought this might be useful for anyone who is suffering from Winter Blues or going through a major transition in life.


LAST WEEK: last week i was uncomfortable AND discouraged. last week i talked to person after person that had the same negative tone of “what are you doing here in berlin, there is no money and no work for dancers” and then what little work does exist is extremely hard to get. i amrealizing even an audition is near impossible unless you are a truly unique and
exotic specimen with a ten page CV, that includes being the reincarnation of martha graham.
REJECTIONS: i have already been “unaccepted” to one audition, and not chosen for an audition that i did get. so my rejections begin to collect. and yes, i am keeping a log. tally marks that somehow make the shame humorous, ordered, and insignificant. lines on paper that i can snub some day.
POOF: so last week, for various reasons we need not go into here, i hit a low. i cried and tried to self-combust by means of strong mental power.
THE LIGHT AT YONDER END: and then something happened. it occurred right there in the open air on “koppenplatz”. i was just walking along, desolate little me, and something yet unknown to my persona took hold. these foreign streets, combined with denial and discouragement, ignited some force in me that makes me feel as a stranger unto myself. truly, i skirt outer
body experience. i was just walking down the block and something shifted.
WHILE IN ROME: i feel like the germans wake up each day and set an internal metronome to which they march. they follow a beat and stick to it. a bit cold, but focused, and closed to all distraction. so, “when in rome”. . .i set my own little metronome of determination and embark on a personal plan of attack.
EGO: first, good-bye to ego. ego must go so that confidence can function unencumbered. whatever ego i could manage to part with i left in the rosenthaler U-bahn station. Ego had me shy and beating myself up over a bad plie in class, Ego kept me from testing my german when lost on the streets. Ego was not helping the situation at all.
SECOND: second, i see how it has to be. i have this short set thumb, which, according to one palmitrist, means that i have to work for what i get in life. dance won’t come to me, so i go to it. and this requires a distinct tact and boldness that makes me immensely uncomfortable. but since my ego is on loan to the berlin air, i’ve managed to put myself on several lines and what do you know – it pays.
SERIOUSLY: i went to see marten spangberg (dancer/choreographer) perform and was impressed with what he did. the day after his show i boarded the u-bahn, took my seat, and sitting directly across from me was, well who do you think- marten spangberg. so i leaned in, interrupted his journaling, and said “excuse me. . .” and then complimented his show. a conversation ensued in which he was rather inquisitive about my story. he seemed impressed with some part of the tale and as he was de-boarding he said “i’ll get you a gig” but he’s getting off the train and i have no idea how to get in touch with
him. so he tells me to call a local gallery for his mobile number, and i say ok, and then as the doors close he turns around and utters an emphatic “seriously!”
SERENDIPITY: this is the second astounding moment of serendipity i have experienced with this stunt called berlin, and it honestly took my breath. of all the trains i could have boarded, of all the strangers i could have sat next to. . .wow, and i haven’t even feng shuied my flat.
PERSONALITY: I can’t do a thing about the facts of my CV. It seems a lack of experience as recorded on paper is going to be a hindrance to certain goals. but while tangible success can be recorded on paper, the talents of character will never be captured in CV format. my movement is important in this dance world, but i also am coming to find more value in the abilities of the character to endure, build, and remain on two feet when hopeless sets in; to impress upon people something that matters – the personality. so in some odd way i train this aspect of my career now, pushing myself into the uncomfortable and holding tight to the positive in the face of some rather grumpy negative.
METAPHOR: also, i’m learning a new way to ride roller coasters. my external flesh goes up and down, while my organs maintain a flatline. this way, i can both enjoy the ride, but not throw up from too much jostling. . . .last week bad, this week good, next week. . . probably bad again, but such is the ride.

What would be the last thing you would want to hear when eating a lovely, buttery, flaky croissant on your way to work in the morning? How about stories of someone serving food who had a nasty skin condition on their hands. Or someone who sneezes, rubs their nose, and then continues to serve food. Yes, public transportation is a goldmine of human relation and blogger fodder.

I recently completed my FAFSA and under net worth I entered $0. Luckily I'm secure otherwise that could really depress someone!

I heart resolution

I've booked my ticket to Europe for the fall. The plan is to spend a few days in Northern Italy and then take a train down to Florence a few days before school starts. I get equally excited and petrified every time I take another step towards making this dream a reality. Nothing like jumping off into the great abyss!

One of my suitors told me he's added me to his Wish List. Awwwwwww.

I just made a joke in the office and I got busted looking around to see if anyone was going to react. Lame.

Foul, Foul, Putrid and just plain wrong

A friend of mine just told me that a dinner guest of hers added an Airborne tablet to his glass of wine.

Is this a cheap ploy to piggyback on Black History Month?

Last week a friend and I were talking about going to see The Decemberists in April, and the next morning she won tickets from a local radio station!

Lunchtime Scrabble gets you through the day. And can make you laugh until you cry too!

"I lost my virginity but I still have the box it came in". See why I love Ladies Night.

wednesday night fever

I've had a fever for a few days now and while it's certainly miserable roasting and feeling dilusional, I must say it makes for very interesting dream material. In last night's episode, I ran into some friends on the street at Post and Leavenworth. Very comfortable vibe, nice weather, hugs and kisses good-bye, nothing strange. After chatting I guess I didn't want them to see which way I was going, so I hopped on a bus going in the opposite direction, thinking I would hop off in a block or two and walk back, but the bus drove on and on, zig-zagging like crazy for about an hour and when it finally stopped, I was on the fourth floor? deck? and had to race down a tiny spiral staircase to get off. When I made it off the bus, it was nighttime in a really dangerous neighborhood and I started to feel dizzy. But I didn't want the crazy people around me to think I was drunk and try to rob me, so I sat on a bench and tried to get my bearings straight. I decided that I needed to get back to Post and Leavenworth, and if I could just cross Market Street I would be safe. But as I tried to cross Market, the weather became unbearably hot, and Market Street was about 10 lanes wide! I tried deperately to flag a cab but none would stop, and every car that drove by was laying on the horn and blinking their lights at me making me more disoriented. I looked down at myself and saw I was wearing a nice 'going out' shirt, I had my purse clutched tightly at my side, but I had NO pants on! And then I woke up.

restless leg syndrome. mmmmmmmm, yyyyyeaaaahhhhh.

How funny would it be to invite a man over for the first time and have this hanging on my wall!

it'll blow your mind, dude!

You must rent Life in the Undergrowth straight away. Who knew watching slugs doin' it could be so captivating?!

Notes from the raod

I wrote this last week when my flight was delayed 7 hours in Phili due to fog.

I'm in airport hell
awake 25 hours
safety first I guess

Exhaustion sets in
filling out holiday cards
trying to stay zen

the humanity
scarier by the minute
going home is jinxed

oh airport musak
holiday tunes like torture
suicidal now

Why god, why????????

We no longer have gmail at the office. That pretty much means I have to quit.

It should be no suprise by the look on his face, that when we asked him where we should sit he patted his knee!

Toot Toot

Yesterday a friend of mine who I work with came down and asked me for my advice on re-printing and framing small prints of artwork. I asked her what she wanted to frame and she said, "These"! She was holding the calendar of my paintings that I gave out last year as holiday gifts; she had no idea that I had created the artwork. It was a great moment of statisfaction!!

Reality is setting in

I walked to the Ferry Building for lunch and as I looked around at all of the seasonal decorations, I realized that this is my last holiday season in the Bay Area for a while. This is my NINTH Yule here and I've celebrated in a myriad of ways from being knee-deep in children's toys (even though there were no children present) to playing pool at the Shotwell with a drunk Mexican man who cried on my shoulder about never really experiencing a childhood for himself because he had his first kid at 14. So this time next year I will be strolling the streets of Rome or Florence, freezing my ASS off, BUT-freezing my ass off in a beautiful new country, learning a new language, and putting my adaptability skills to the test. I'm excited, anxious and terrified, and I can't wait!

I think you misunderstand

So I have a new Italian-speaking friend who's going to help me with my conversation skills. Last week I learned we have a mutual friend whose father is the director for an art school in Florence. I asked my friend if he had the guy's email address because I wanted to talk to his father about financial aid and student visas. My new friend completely got me wrong and thought that I was going to ask this guy to help me pay for college!

I'm Jesus' age!

A couple of weeks ago I turned 33. I wasn't very happy about it. I kept it super low-key and had a pajama party with a few close gal pals. And I'm so grateful because I had a fantastic time. Plus I thought I was going to go my whole birthday without a cake, but my sweet friends rallied and presented me with a beautiful and tasty confection. We played a toss-n-catch game with the youngest guest, applied fake tattoos for the elderly (my favorite was a picture of an adult diaper with the caption 'Out of Control'), and drank beautiful red wine. Thank you lovely ladies for ushering in another year with love and laughter. Take a peek at pics here.

Sometimes I have the uncontrollable urge to throw something at the back of someone's head. Although technically I guess it controllable since I haven't given in yet. I wouldn't get satisfaction from hurting them, just surprising them a little. Yet I never picture smyself throwing a pillow, most of the time it's fruit. And if I'm not fantasizing about prjecting something in their direction, if they're close enough, I have visions of plucking them real hard. But always on the back of the head.

THIS is who I'd like to see as James Bond!

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggg!

So I've been really excited for the last two weeks, doing loads of research to go to Italy next year, but I learned this weekend that I can't get a student visa for going over and studying Italian; they require full-time, degree seeking status. This means much more money in tuition. So I looked at my genealogy paperwork again and I have at least three major setbacks there. I qualify for sure, but there are a few discrepancies on the documentation I have and it would take court orders and wads of cash to amend. So this week I will begin researching more education options including grants and loans, and I will start writing letters to the powers that be regarding dual citizenship. I'll take on the whole country if I have to!

A few weeks ago I went to Mendocino for a little solitude and to set goals for the coming year. After a massage, some decadent room service and a walk through an interesting cemetery I've decided to focus on the following:

-Use more kind words (less catty comments)
-Be compassionate of people's actions and decisions (less judgmental)
-Work every day towards pursuing voice-over
-Dedicate more time to writing my novel
-Live for a period of time in another country
-Purge my apartment of all unnecessary items

Thank you so much for all of your support and suggestions already so far! Check out pix of the coast.

I'm browsing this great site that's basically a directory of people who will host people for free for a few nights when they're visiting from other countries. Here's a great listing posted by a man in Rome:

53 years old.University researcher. Scientific network in environmental-social issues, biodiversity, wildlife photographer. English, Spanish. I live alone. I can host 1/2 person.

Goodness, which half will I ever choose???

Last Sunday I was at home painfully hungover from a wedding the night before, but I mustered the energy to do the dishes and make a few phone calls. I called my neighbor who lives a few doors down but we had a bad connection so he asked me to pop over. I shuffled down the hall and when he opened the door he looked at my head, then smiled, then looked at my head again. I felt a weight on the top of my head and thinking it was my sunglasses I reached up to remove them but it was actually my cleaning tiara. Mmmmmm hmmmmmm. Slowly but surely; I told you it would happen.

It's In the Stars

From the SF Guardian's hororscope this week: Sag, you look frustrated to the point of wanting to give up. Though it’s admirable to set up a lemonade stand when the cosmos dumps a bunch of lemons on you, sometimes a person’s got to cry, because they didn’t get the fruit they were hoping for. It’s OK to have a cry before setting up shop.

Today a co-worker found this little bit to add to it: If life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade...and then try to find someone whose life has handed them vodka.

And this is so true for me. I am always trying to find the lessons in life's challanges, to show gratitude for what I have instead of disappointment for what I didn't get, but damn it, this week I'm gettin' drunk!!

I've always been fairly confident that I'm going to go insane. Not crippling, send me to a loony-bin, bona fide crazy; more like a heartbreak induced nervous breakdown causing me to call everyone snoopy and wear my slippers in public but still, Reese as the eccentric old woman on the block is how I see myself in the future. I say eccentric because I will, of course, be wealthy.

For example: Today in the office I heard someone "pssst" at me. I turned around but nobody was there. I heard it again, "pssst". I stood on my tiptoes and peeked over the cubicle wall and again, not a soul. Naturally I assumed the dementia was setting in and continued my work, noting when I heard the "pssst", but not wasting any more energy looking for the source. It wasn't until about an hour before I was leaving the office that I realized it was my left wrist with its bands of bangles grazing my desktop that was causing the sound. Cuckoo!

Snakes on a Plane!

I thought I had posted these pix way back in August but I just found them saved as a draft.


Snakes in Amy's mouth!

Brett arrives for back-up

I lamost got kicked out for taking this shot

San Franciscans love an excuse to dress up

I found this costume the very next day!

Snakes everywhere!

It's not what you say, but how you say it.

Reese speaks up in the big corporate meeting, slamming her fist on the table for emphasis. "I think we should putting more resources into sediment interactive applications! And who can give me a straight answer regarding the bundle dendritic peripheries"?! Thunderous applause from everyone and whispers sweep the room, "She's absolutely right"! and "That girl's going places"!

Sound important and create your own bullshit here.

12 more days!

I know I'm supposed to be in the moment, but can you blame me for counting down the days until I get to stay here?!
Here is a list of perks I'll enjoy, as well as a few indulging spa treatments!

*Self-guided VIP tour of the local Pacific Star Winery, perched on one of the most spectacular ocean bluffs in the world.
*2 nights in a luxury suite with wood-burning fireplace, scenic vistas, fully stocked honor bar, Temper-Pedic sleep system, and much more!
*Soak in a private hot tub nestled along the canyon rim, while watching the sunset over the Pacific Ocean, with complimentary Navarro Chardonnay chilled on ice waiting for you there.
*Wake each morning to a gourmet lavish breakfast served in our award winning dining room.
*Complimentary Wireless Internet throughout resort
*FREE long-distance
*Cable TV with HBO
*Long-Range Cordless Phone & 2-Line Desk Speakerphone
*Free Laptop for use during stay
*Free Digital Camera for use during stay
*Premium Spa Amenities by Hermes, Paris.
*Plush Chenille Logo Spa Robes for use during stay

I've decided

this city is too fucking small.

I heart the 80's

Saturday I was invited to an 80's party, and since I was extremely hung over from the night before, I decided I would take a disco nap, don ye old Madonna garb and be done with it. My friend who invited me said she would send me the evite with all the details so just before I laid down I looked at the email and saw the disclaimer: Madonna is Uninvited! Well I couldn't very well show up to a gay man's 'Dress as your favorite female from the 80's' party and come as the one icon he specifically requested I not! So with three hours before stores closed I headed into SF on a mission, and gathered enough materials for a simple and sweet version of the one female from the 80's who I believe had it goin' on! Check out pix here.

I found this video so funny, I peed a little.

What does it say about your day when you're humming "Blame it on the rain" before 10am?

Last month Bri came out from Phoenix to see Breakfast at Tiffany's in Union Square. I told her that San Franciscans are known for their flair and love of costumes, so we dressed up Audrey style and camped out in comfy chairs with champagne and snacks. We ended up being the only people dressed up (so disappointed in the queens of SF) but we had a blast and Bri got to see her favorite movie on the big screen.

Made ya laugh

Go see Little Miss Sunshine right now!

Factoids

Every so often a co-worker and I post random facts about ourselves on our cubicles. Here are my latest.

Particular color combinations evoke an adverse physical reaction within me
I am allergic to my own sweat
When I chew gum, I separate it into two pieces and chew one on each side
I grew four inches in just over a year right after high school
I have two brothers named David
I suffer from coulrophobia
I am obsessed with things that glow

Terms of Endearment

My Current Nicknames

Queen Reese
Reesey
Reesey Poo
R dub
Reeser
Reester
Reesling
Reeslet
Miss Reese
Risza
Reesa
Mrs McReese
Reese-a-Roni
Piglet
Poopy Jr

Pig Pen

So on Sunday I went on a date with my Missed Connection. Notice there is no exclamation point for this date. There were however exclamations galore in my head, like, "My god! How much can one man smoke in a four hour period"?! and "Perhaps I should add the Department of Sanitation's phone number to my speed dial for such emergencies". He was mind blowingly slovenly. He used the top of his book shelf as an ashtray, and you know those mats people put on the floor around the toilet? His was made of pubic hair. After I refused his sexual advances he made sure to tell me it wasn't really in his plan to spend $75 on dinner that night. I'm assuming he wanted me to write him a check or spread my legs. I won't reveal his name directly, but I will say that anyone who's been asked out by one of the door guys for The Hemlock or Cassanova should make sure he's not a chain-smoking film student from Boston!

At long last; the Japan report

Let me start by saying, I was drunk at least once a day for 21 days. The Japanese like their hooch. And they enjoy the good stuff like soju and sake which for me, doesn't usually result in over drunkenness or hangovers. So essentially, it's an alcoholic's paradise. See for yourself.
The very first night my friend's parents took us out to dinner. Everyone was understandably worried whether or not I would enjoy Japanese cuisine. I mentioned that I like sushi, and before I knew it, one of the cute little silver fish in the tank next to us was on our table sashimi style. The head was on the plate. His mouth was still opening and closing. The tail kept moving.
Japanese television is hysterical. Sumo wrestling matches, home shopping channels, soap operas and lots of variety shows. You'll turn on what you think is a game show, and the next minute they’re reviewing food; and before it's all over you'll see a musical number, pet tricks, and an infomercial for this. Most of the commercials are for beer, green tea or mobile phones, and contain an adorable animated animal. My favorite is an ad for...hell I don't know, where these three little koalas come out and do a groovy ass-shakin' dance, and proceed to remove their noses which they then use at mobile phones. I finally just got the link to them and I found out the commerical is for car insurance.
Here’s a snippet of funny tv. Late night tv provides the Japanese with a show on learning English. One night we found the show taking place in an office setting teaching the phrases, “I’m fed up”. And “Do it yourself”. Leave it to us to kill the sweet obliging nature of the far East.
When you enter stores and restaurants in Japan you’re greeted by employees calling out, “Irrasshaimase” (pronounce Irra-sha-ma-say). It can also be used when trying to lure people into establishments. To hear what it sounds like when you’re in a mall and within earshot of about eight different shops shouting the greeting, who are also blasting varying hyper-techno music, click here.
Customer Service in Japan is heavenly. We were in the train station one day and accidentally purchased tickets when we already had a Japan Rail Pass. We asked a ticket taker if there was anything we could do, and she suggested pressing the call button on the ticket machine; she said someone would be over to help us. So we pressed the button and kept an eye out for someone who would be walking over to help us, when a woman popped out of a panel in the wall surrounding the ticket machine. “Nobody sees the wizard! Not nobody not no how”! In less than a minute we had cash back for our blunder. Later when we were on the train and I was using the toilet, I saw a call button next to the sink. I cracked myself up imagining where the toilet service rep might pop out of! And speaking of toilets…
Japanese bathrooms were an experience all their own. The first unique feature I found was a button and speaker on the stall wall, similar to an intercom, and when the button is pushed it emits the sound of running water so others can’t hear…well, so all others can hear is running water. Other facilities were much more elaborate. An arm rest attached to the toilet with options of sound, scent, and varying degrees of bidet. The one time I was adventurous enough to meddle with the bidet feature was a scene out of The Three Stooges. The instant the stream made contact, it tickled so badly that I leapt off the bowl and water saturated my pants, splashed against the stall door and left a telling puddle on the floor.
We went out one night to a Tokyo fashion/fetish show. We certainly didn’t see anything that would shock anyone who’s been living in San Francisco for seven years, but it was interesting seeing the Japanese take on it. Everything was very cutesy. The outfits, the décor, and even when two girls dripped hot wax on each other on stage, the one on the receiving end was nodding and giggling rather than moaning or acting erotic. The scene was a great mix of jovial Europeans and Japanese, and the music kept me wiggling. Several Japanese men wanted their picture taken with me (being a round eye and all) and one gentleman told me, “Japan and America best friends. I want American wife. You are very beautiful”. If only American men were so direct.
We stumbled upon the most adorable café in the world, (okay the cutest I’ve seen on four continents) in Harajuku. It’s in the basement of an unassuming office building, sharing the floor with a dingy Chinese restaurant. It’s very tiny, seating about 12-15, warmly lit, with shelves floor to ceiling filled with children’s books. The tableware was vintage American so it was more than peculiar to be 10,000 miles away from home, in a subterranean Japanese café, only to be drinking tea from a U.S. Navy issued mug that I had used as a child that my dad swiped off his submarine.
We rode the Shinkansen down the coast to Kyoto and Hiroshima. One night we stayed a night at a hot springs resort in Izu that was surreal. Waterfalls, 28 natural hot springs (two in caves) and a warm lap pool, all set in the lush green forest next to a creek. On the night of a famous festival we took a night time stroll to a waterfall guided by paper lanterns. It was haunting and romantic in the most beautiful way.
I had one of the most fascinating conversations I’ve ever had in my life with my friend’s mother regarding Japanese sounds. Animal sounds, weather sounds, motion sounds and for the Japanese, even adjective sounds. Since I live to communicate I found it revelatory! Here are a few examples:
pig : bu-bu (boo-boo)
dog : wan wan ( one one )
something slippery : tsuru tsuru(tsulu tsulu)
something sparkly : kila kila
rain ( hard) : zaa zaa
rain ( little ) : shito shito
sunny : san san
wind ( strong ) : byu byu ( view view )
wind ( weak ) : soyo soyo

Here are some of my favorite general words/phrases I learned while I was there:
sugoi-wow

samui-cold

atsui-hot

chotto-little

ooki-big

onaka suita-i'm hungry

onaka nemui-i'm tired

kawaii-cute

kowaii-scary (very distinct pronunciation from kawaii, and makes people giggle when you use the wrong one when trying to compliment a newborn baby)

oishii-tastes good

okashi-funny

utskushi-beautiful

honto-really?

ne-added to the end of a word for emphasis like when it's 100 degrees you say "atsui ne" which is roughly "It's hot as hell right"?

watashi mo-me too

amai-sweet

konpeki-perfect

kusai-stinky

diskii-i really like it

chotto baka-a little stupid

jodan-just kidding

demo-but

daego bu-i'm okay

The Japanese culture as a whole is orderly, polite, creative and comical. I find most people to be friendly when I travel, and the Japanese add pride, integrity and humor that I felt really close to. And of course, my friend’s family and friends: her parents were thoughtful and nurturing, and her sister, a new mother to precious a baby boy, was a delight. Her friends were comfortable and very entertaining. I’m hoping to venture to Nihon again in the fall to experience the colors, smells and tastes of another season there. Thank you again Ayano and Chris for your generosity and making this amazing experience possible.