Seperate Lives

I am partly blue. I am actually in an incredibly good mood otherwise than what I have to write about. It's a full moon, I'm going dancing with friends, I had great ideas for my new website last night, but I got an email from Big Head this morning. Oh the dramatics of Big Head both figuratively and literally (yes ladies I declare)! He was the first guy I dated when I moved to the city in June of 99. He is handsome, funny, well read, and adventurous. We dated for a few months but he started driving me crazy. I didn't want a relationship since I had just moved to the big city, we had a terrible conflict of egos, and he was just too heavy for me. We vowed never to speak to each other ever again for as long as we both should live. Despite this, he was and still is, the greatest lover of my life.
We ran into each other the following Spring and began our second affair which lasted about 4 months. It was better this time with more mind blowing sex, better communication, and meeting his parents, but I was still having fun dating other people and again he started driving me crazy. We parted this time saying we should be friends, but we didn't speak for several months.
Year three. He emailed Spring of the following year (something about that time of year) and said that he was living in San Diego and in the fall he was moving to Barcelona. We started emailing and I went down to see him a few times. We got along famously this go-round. We stopped trying to irritate one another and just hung out. We laughed, made love, went on hikes, went to a wedding together, we were growing stronger. Perhaps it was because there was no pressure of commitment since he was moving to another continent, I don't know. He left in September and we've emailed about every week since. Sometimes his emails were too dramatic and I was happy he was so far away. Other times he would get a calling card and call and I couldn't wait for him to come home this Summer. He moved to Prague shortly after Barcelona and started living with a girl and at the same time I had my first admitted boyfriend in nearly a decade. In March we both coincidentally broke up with our respective significant others within a week of each other. We decided that when he came home this Summer, he would stay with me. About a month ago he said he had started dating a girl from Scotland. I didn't think much of it, I've been busy myself if you know what I mean! A few weeks ago he announced that he wouldn't be coming home this Summer and that he and this girl were moving to Indonesia because job and living prospects were better there. He moves fast. When he emails about girls I'm always supportive, I know that when we're together he makes positively mad, and he is my friend so I should be happy for him. Today he emailed and said that he was going to ask her to marry him tonight. Why does this bother me. It's not losing him in particular forever necessarily, it's because I want someone to feel that way about me. Everyone does whether they want to admit it or not.
He is the man who has paid me the highest compliments of any man, he is the man who I can be a sex Goddess with, he's written prose and poetry about me, and he will most certainly hold a nostalgic place in my sentimental heart. I wish him the best. He is a hopeless romantic who was born to be a husband and he deserves a good partner. Hope she likes Tom Waits, YUCK!
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